why am i depressed

The True Birth Of Tragedy

The true birth of tragedy

I have been reading a lot of and about Friedrich Nitzsche lately. It all began when I read his first book The Birth of Tragedy. I was instantly intrigued by this man’s ideas and his life. I honestly saw a lot of myself in him. I had to learn more.

Friedrich Nitzsche was a german philosopher and author who lived in the late 1800’s. He will forever be remembered as one of the most influential existential thinkers of all time. He was a brilliant man but was plagued with a life of ill health and social isolation. His obsessions, as well as his reclusiveness, led to him eventually going mad and being institutionalized. He died at the young age of 55 of a stroke. His mind and his body just could not take any more turmoil.

How does someone so brilliant end up this way?

You would think that if someone was so smart they would be able to figure out how to find peace and happiness. You would think that being smarter would help you find meaning and purpose in your life. But it turns out that we can’t think our way into happiness. We can’t think our way into meaning. Our minds are amazing but there are some answers they are just unable to find.

One of the key elements of Nietzsche’s work was his statement that “God is dead.” He believed that religion was keeping people from greatness. It was the fault of religion that kept people suffering and the only way to be truly free was to let go of the idea of God and find meaning elsewhere. He looked to art first and that was the subject of his book The Birth Of Tragedy.

He believed true art, especially music, could give man meaning. It brought out the part of us that is truly human and thus could deliver us some peace of mind. I think we all know what he means. Music touches us on such a deep level. And seeing music live can spark emotions we thought we had buried deep. It brings us to tears, it brings our emotions to the forefront and it makes us feel alive. That is why music is so amazing to us.

But is that enough?

For Nietzsche, it wasn’t. Musically induced emotion is fleeting. It is only present for a moment and then it is gone. If we are living for this type of emotion, we will spend our lives chasing it. Music can become our new drug. We are constantly trying to relive a fond memory we had at a concert or the first time we heard our favorite song. It is a never-ending search for a feeling of comfort and meaning that even when we do rediscover it, it is gone again just as quickly as it came back.

I love music. I believe the world needs music. It can remind us of what it is to be human and it can make us feel alive. But music alone is not enough to bring us true peace. If what we are searching for is happiness in life then what we really seek is contentment. And as long as we are chasing fleeting emotions, we will never find the contentment that we crave.

We will never truly find what we are looking for in art, music, food, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, spending, vacations, etc. The list goes on and on. Some of these things can be great but when we put our whole happiness on these things, they will fail us every time. We will never have enough and we will always be left wanting more. That is by definition discontentment. The opposite of what we truly seek.

So where do we find contentment?

Some people won’t like my answer to this, but I have found there is truly only one way to find contentment. That is to give up. Surrender. Stop trying to do everything on your own. We have to stop relying on our own power and turn to a power greater than us. It is the only way we can truly be free and find the purpose and joy that we so crave in this life.

I know a lot of people don’t want to hear that God is the answer. But He is. And here is the thing, you can call Him whatever you want to call him. Call Him the Universe if that makes you feel better. Call Him love. Call Him a Her. I don’t care what you call the power, you just have to call the power.

Surrendering to a power greater than us is the key. When we can truly let go of our self-will, we become free. Our burdens are lifted. We find we are not alone in this life and that our life has real meaning. To know there is a power that is in control, who has a plan, and who loves us enough to include us in that plan, that right there is the meaning of life.

Nietzsche spent his whole life running from God and looking for answers within himself. He believed man had the power to define his own meaning and find worth in his own greatness. And although many of his writings can be quite inspiring, did any of this actually work for him?

Did Nietzsche ever find what he was looking for?

The answer is no, he never did. He never found true peace and meaning. He went insane trying to do it all on his own. And he died at a young age completely defeated and alone. And while he was alive, he was so wrapped up in self-reliance that he missed many of the joys in life. He never had many friends. He lived in isolation his whole life. He dated one girl briefly, but that didn’t last and he gave up completely on love. It’s an incredibly sad story of a man separated from God, by choice, and suffering because of that choice.

I don’t know about you, but I can relate so much to Nietzsche’s story. I have often chosen isolation over the company of others. I have questioned the existence of God. And I have felt the intense sadness that comes as a result of a complete lack of purpose and meaning in my life. I spent a lot of my life trying to will myself into happiness. I thought I just wasn’t trying hard enough or I wasn’t smart enough and if I kept pushing myself, eventually I would find the happiness I craved. But my efforts only made me more miserable. I was headed into my own end of madness and ill health weighing 505 pounds and being completely depressed.

It wasn’t until I gave up and surrendered to a higher power that things started to change. When I decided to look for God again instead of keep running away from Him, I started to get my life back. It is an ongoing practice, but every day gets a little better. The world feels more alive. The wonder and magic I had as a kid is coming back. I hear music differently. I taste food differently. My interests are growing daily. I am becoming the man I have always wanted to be and that only started happening when I chose God over myself.

The true birth of tragedy

The true birth of tragedy happens when a man or woman gives up on God. That decision is a pivotal moment in anyone’s life, whether we want to admit it or not. We are all born with an innate sense of a higher power. We find it in our parents first. But we sense it all around us as well. As we get older and life pushes us around a little, we start to get bitter and cynical.

If we don’t fight off this cynicism, we let it get the best of us and we turn our backs on what is true in our life. We start looking for our own answers. We start believing we don’t need anyone, we can do this alone. That is when we give up on our lives and begin to live the rest of it in tragedy. It’s a truly sad story that keeps repeating over and over again throughout history.

If you want a life of peace and joy, it truly does exist. But you have to be willing to let go and willing to let yourself believe again in order to find it.

Why Am I Depressed?

Why am i depressed?

I have struggled with depression my whole life. I have had some really great years and I’ve also had some really dark years. But mostly my life has been a day to day combination of both.

When I joined Overeaters Anonymous and started working the 12 steps, I thought “Finally, I found my solution. Now I’ll never be depressed ever again!” Just typing that now makes me realize how silly that thought was, but I so desperately wanted to be free from this sadness that I believed there was a simple solution. All I had to do was fix it and I’m good, right?!

Unfortunately, it is not that simple.

I have been in the program for a little over a year now. It’s been amazing. I have learned so much and have really grown too. Yet, these last few days I have found myself struggling with depression again.

Why is this still happening? I am doing the work. I thought I fixed this!

The truth is there is no “fixing” it. There are things I can do in my daily life to deal with it. And I do believe over time it will get better, but I don’t think it ever goes away. It’s a part of me.

But here is the good news. I don’t have to deal with it alone anymore. I have a sponsor I can talk this stuff through with. I have my fellows that I can hang out with. And most of all, I can turn my sadness over to God and He comforts me. I’ve heard people say that my whole life but I only recently started to understand what that truly meant.

It means that I know I am loved. Unconditionally. It means it’s ok to feel my emotions. It’s ok to feel depressed. I don’t have to fix it. I can sit in it and feel it. Experience it instead of running away from it. And I know I can handle it because God is with me. Always.

I can be depressed and know that my life has a lot of worth because I am a creation of God. I can be depressed and know that God still has a plan for my life. I can be depressed and still see the joy around me. I can be depressed and know that I won’t feel like this forever.

With God all of these things are possible. And He has shown me time and time again that he will not fail me. He will not abandon me.

And that means I’m going to be ok.

Once I realize that, I can deal with the depression a lot better. It’s different now than it was in those dark years a long time ago. The difference is God. And God is good.

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately: “How do people do life without God?” I really don’t know. I know when I tried, it did not work. I know that I am grateful to have found God again and to have Him to turn to. I can’t imagine doing life any other way.