The $1000 Piece Of Gum

I went to bed the other night stressed and anxious. This has been happening a lot lately.

I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do . It had all become too much and I had that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was stressed. Fearful. Angry. Shameful. I felt defeated.

Then I had a dream while I was sleeping. Dreams are weird and so is this one, but the point was simple.

In the dream, I had gone to some kind of collectors museum with my family and purchased a pack of gum that was worth $2000. It was some kind of famous antique gum or something. In the pack of gum there were 2 pieces.

I somehow had lost one already so there was only one left. My 7-year-old nephew asked if he could look at it. I told him he could if he was very careful with it. He grabbed the gum and doing what kids do he popped that last piece of gum in his mouth and started chewing.

After a quick moment of panic and disappointment, I quickly realized what was important. It didn’t matter that I just lost $1000. What mattered is how much my nephew was enjoying the gum. He was chewing and smiling. Having a blast.

It suddenly all made sense. Who cares about the money? The point is to enjoy the gum.

I told him to really enjoy the gum and be sure to tell his friends he chewed a $1000 piece of gum. He then started to cry realizing what he had done. I put my arm around him, laughed, and told him if there is anyone in the world I would want to chew that gum, it was him. He was worth a million pieces of $1000 gum. He smiled and continued to enjoy the gum. I smiled and felt a peace in the pit of my stomach I hadn’t felt all day.

After that, all the stuff I was worried about started to seem silly. What was really important is that my nephew enjoyed the gum. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

Why does that have to change after I wake up?

Enjoy the gum.

- Chris

Broadway To The Rescue

There is something magical about a Broadway show and the tunes within it.  It took me a while to let go of my cynical side and let the music in.  For a long time, I thought I was "too cool" to like Broadway tunes.  But then when I would stop and listen, I'd be crying in less than 30 seconds.

I think I was lying to myself.

Once I was able to let go of what I thought was "cool" or who I thought I was supposed to be, I was able to let the music in.  And once I did that, I discovered how much I loved Broadway shows!

A good musical makes me feel alive.  It makes me feel connected to the world and to God.  It reminds me of all the magic that still exists in the world.  It inspires me to do great things.  It reminds me how much beauty and wonder there is around me.  So much so that I don't want to waste any more time ignoring it.

So I made a playlist called Broadway To The Rescue!  These are all the songs that have been bringing me a lot of comfort lately.  I wanted to share the playlist with you in the hopes that it will bring you some comfort as well.

You can check it out on Spotify or Apple Music.  I made the playlist on Spotify a collaborative playlist so feel free to add your favorite broadway tunes to the list!

You can check it out here:

Spotify - CLICK HERE
Apple Music - CLICK HERE

Be sure to follow the playlist so it will be added to your library.  Next time you are feeling lonely, disconnected or discouraged, it will be right there waiting for you.

Broadway to the rescue!
- Chris

The Beauty In My Pocket

I have been thinking a lot about music lately.  It's so amazing, isn't it?  Life-changing.  And during these last few weeks of chaos and uncertainty, music has brought me more comfort and peace than I have allowed it to in years.

The truth is I have been taking music for granted for a long time now. Being a professional musician is actually a great way to make you hate music.

Sad but true.

Sometimes when music becomes a job, you lose sight of what you loved about it in the first place.  It becomes mundane and ordinary.  It becomes hard and even unpleasant all in the name of paying your mortgage.

When the world shut down and I was forced to slow down, I started remembering that I have had all this amazing music in my pocket this whole time yet I never take the time to listen to it anymore.

There was a time, not so long ago, when you had to buy tickets to hear music.  Then you had to wait for months until you could go to the show.  When that day finally came, you had to get dressed up and go to the place with all the other adults, sit in a seat, wait for the lights and the chatter to die down.  And then finally, you could listen to this music you had been craving for months. 

You only had one shot.  It was live.  No recordings.  So you had to be present.  Listen.  Take it all in.  And the only way you could record it was in your mind.

As the days went on after, you could replay it in your mind and relive the magic and the wonder of that night.  But as more time went on, it became harder and harder to recall the music.  The memory would begin to fade and eventually it was like you were never there.  So you had to buy another ticket, plan another night out, dress up, go to the room with the adults and do it all over again. 

This was the only way to listen to music.  This was the only way to get this comfort and beauty into your life.  It took time.  Dedication.  Patience.  And discipline.

With time came vinyl, cassettes and CD's.  We could finally start to enjoy this music more often.  But then came the iPod soon followed by smartphones and everything changed forever.

Now we have this beauty in our pockets at all times.  Anytime I want to, I can pull out my phone and listen to some of the most amazing music ever written performed just for me, directly to my ears through my headphones.  It's like my own little private concert.  I don't have to buy a ticket.  I don't have to wait for months.  I don't even have to put on pants.  It is always there.  It is just waiting for me to hit play.

Over the years, my life had gotten so busy and crazy.  Like all of us do as adults, I got caught up in making money and paying bills and I forgot that the music was still there.  I focused on stress, fear, and anxiety instead of the device in my pocket that had all the answers I was looking for.

When the world stopped, I finally remembered it was there.

I can't tell you how much joy this phone has brought to my life over the past few weeks.  I have totally been "the weird guy" walking down the street crying with headphones on because I can finally connect with this music in a way that I haven't in years.  I have listened to my favorite Broadway shows, I have listened to concertos, I have listened to the guilty pleasure songs from my youth.  It has transported me to another time and place.  It has connected me with nature, God and my community.  It has reminded me of the magic and wonder of being a kid.

Most importantly, it has reminded me that everything is going to be ok.  When I choose to see it, I have everything I need.  I have love, I have community and I have music.

There are many things the world is telling me I can't do right now, but there is one thing I can do.

Who knew the answer was in my pocket all along.

- Chris

Never Stop Trying On The Shirt

I bought this 2X t-shirt years ago. I weighed over 400 pounds at the time but I bought it in the hopes that someday I would fit in it.

It has sat in my drawer year after year.

Once I got into recovery I started trying it on every few months. Too tight every time but slowly I started to see that someday it would fit.

Today I decided to try it again because it had been a few months. It slipped on easy and fits perfectly. I cried for a little bit and then decided to take this picture. It may seem like a silly little t-shirt but it means the world to me.

Never give up. Never stop trying on the shirt because one day it will fit.

Pt. 2 - UPDATE

Surely you have better things to do with your time than to watch me try on shirts.

But I thought it was important that I share this with you.

I messed up. The shirt I tried on yesterday was not the shirt I thought it was. After getting so many comments saying the shirt actually looked too big, I double-checked. It was a 3X and not the 2X I was thinking of.

So today I tried on the 2X.

And it fits even better than the other one. :)

The point remains the same - never stop trying on the shirt.

P.S. Proof that I bought this shirt years ago is that it is a St. Louis Rams T-shirt! lol

The Power Of Chalk

Every day as I go out into the world during these crazy times, I pass by my neighbor's house.  Their kids, doing what kids do, have put a simple, classic message on the sidewalk in chalk.  It says "Don't Worry, Be Happy."

Is it really that simple? 

I don't know but it certainly isn't always that easy.  Especially right now.  I think it's safe to say that we all have a lot of worries right now.  Can we really turn them all off and be happy just because some kids told us to with chalk?  I don't know if I could do that even if Bobby McFerrin himself showed up and told me to.

But I will say this, every time I walk by that house I smile.  I have a moment of peace.  I feel connected to the world and I have a moment of escape as I sing a line or two from that classic song from my youth. 

The chalk is working.

One day the rains came and washed the sidewalk message away.  It created a blank slate on the sidewalk again.  All that hard work those kids had done was gone.  The beautiful colors were gone and the sidewalk was back to it's normal, grey self.  It kind of felt like the hope was gone too.

But none of that seemed to phase these kids one bit.  The very next day they had redone the whole thing.  They recreated the sidewalk almost exactly as it was before the rain.  The message of hope was back.  Brighter and louder than before.

How many of us would do that?  When all our hard work is washed away, it is so easy to give up and say "What's the point?"  We take moments like this so deeply personal.  We let it rob us of our joy and our hope. 

But the truth is it was just a little rain.  Rain always comes.  If you are going to write a message in chalk on the sidewalk, you better be ready to do it again because the rain is coming.  The rain will wash it away eventually.  But if that message is important to you, you can go out and write it down again.  As many times as needed. 

As long as you still have the chalk, you still have the power to make a difference.  No matter how many times it rains, the sun keeps coming out.  When the sun comes out that means it's time for us to grab our chalk and go back to work. 

The world needs us.

Art Still Has Truth. Take Refuge There.

It's so weird how every day something new gets taken away from us. I find myself missing all the things I used to do to bring peace into my life. I can't go to the Art Museum anymore. I can't go to the Zoo. It's weird how much those little things meant to me and I didn't even realize it.

The one thing I can still do is go outside. I have been taking long walks in Forest Park, the big park by my house. It's amazing to me how I live in a big city but I can walk for a few blocks and suddenly I'm in nature. The air smells different. I can listen to the birds sing. I can look at the trees and the big sky above. The world is still here.

Life is going on. And that gives me a lot of peace.

One of my favorite spots in St. Louis is Art Hill which is in Forest Park. It's where the Art Museum stands. Lately, I have been walking around to the back of the museum and staring at it. I realized that although it is true that I can't go inside and look at the Monet's and Renoir's, I can still look at the building from the outside. The building itself is an amazing piece of art. I always forget to enjoy that part because I am in such a rush to get inside.

But now I am being forced to enjoy the things on the outside of buildings. And there is a lot to enjoy. I don't have to go inside the art museum to see art. I don't have to go inside the zoo to see animals. It's all still here, it just looks a little different than it used to.

The back of the art museum is kind of hidden. You have to really go out of your way to see it. But it's really beautiful and it has this quote inscribed on the top of the building that has really been encouraging me lately. It says "Art still has truth. Take refuge there."

I just wanted to share this with you and remind you that life is going on. And as everything around us closes, the outdoors are still open. Nature is still there. The birds are still singing.

And art is still all around us. It still has truth so take refuge there.

We are going to be ok.

A Million Little Things

I have been feeling really anxious, agitated and frustrated lately.

Anyone else?

It seems like every little thing turns into a big deal. It’s left me feeling confused, angry and searching for answers.

I think this is something that a lot of us do to ourselves. With a lot of meditation, prayer, and conversations with some great people, I have started to learn a few things about myself. I’ve got a few ideas on how to make it stop.

I internalize all the little annoying things that happen throughout my day and turn them into personal failures. I write these moments off as “annoying” or “stressful” but what I am really saying internally is “I’m a failure. I screwed up again. If I was better, that wouldn’t have happened. What’s wrong with me?

I’ve already done it while writing this blog post. When I opened up my Chrome browser, I got a notification. You know those annoying notifications you get at the top of your screen from Facebook or YouTube or whatever. I thought I had turned this off. Matter of fact I know I did, but yet here we are. It’s still happening. Instantly I get pissed at myself. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I figure out how to turn off my notifications? I did what google told me to do. Why isn’t it working?

Frustrating yes. Personal failure no.

Sometimes it’s true that something is missing. I don’t have all the information yet. But is that my fault? Does that make me a bad person? Is that a failure?

No. Not at all. It just means that I haven’t learned everything in the world yet. I have a little more studying to do. But how am I supposed to make myself accountable to know things that I don’t even know about yet? That’s a battle I can never win. But placing these impossible expectations on myself, I set myself up for failure. It is the only possible outcome.

I need to learn that if I don’t know something, then it’s not a failure. It’s just something I still need to learn. That really is all there is to it.

It happened another time while writing this post. I used some incorrect grammar (which I do a lot) while typing that first paragraph. Instantly I judged myself. Anger. Frustration. What is wrong with me? Why am I not smarter? If I was smarter I wouldn’t be messing up grammatically and having to spend time fixing all my mistakes. Isn’t it ok to make mistakes? Do I have to have perfect grammar to be ok? No. And besides, they make awesome apps for that now. Grammarly anyone?! :)

A million little frustrations become a million big failures

I take these super small annoying things that happen throughout my day and turn them into big failures. I do this a million times a day and it all adds up to a million failures. And by mid-afternoon, I am emotionally exhausted and trying to figure out why. Maybe it’s because I just spent the first half of my day railing on myself for every little thing I could find wrong. This leads to anger. Depression. Anxiety. Frustration. Agitation. And generally just feeling like an absolute loser.

Here are just a few examples of the way I do this every day. Do any of these sound familiar?

Dropping something in the kitchen, bumping into some furniture, my computer freezing up, when I misread my GPS app and take a wrong turn while driving, when a client questions me, when a student quits their lessons, when someone doesn’t call me back, when I forget the words to a song, when I play a wrong note on the piano, when I fumble on my words when talking to someone. And on and on it goes. A million little things turning into a million huge failures. Every day. Day after day.

Make it stop!

The good news is now that I am aware of this, there is something I can do about it. I need to practice catching these little things as they happen. Acknowledge the frustration and then speak the truth. These are not personal failures. These are just a part of life. I am a human being who makes mistakes. I am a human being who is still learning new things. I am a human being who needs to practice being kinder to myself.

The keyword here is “practice” This is not going to happen overnight. But if I can start making this a daily practice, I can start catching more and more of these little frustrations before they become huge self-deprecating moments.

So my new practice is to acknowledge these little things and to be kinder to myself. If I can do this a million times a day then everything changes. And right now, a change sounds pretty good to me.

How to make a bucket list

If you were on your death bed right now, and you only had one hour to live, what would your biggest regrets be?

I know that is not a super fun question to ask yourself, but if you take the time to do it, you may be surprised how much it can affect your life.

When I quit drinking, I was lost. I found myself with a newfound energy and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. All I had ever done was drink, eat and sleep. Suddenly I was 40 years old and had no idea what the point of my life was.

That is when I decided to create my bucket list

What is a bucket list?

To me, a bucket list is more than just a list of things I want to do or places I want to go. Those things are on there for sure, but really a bucket list is a picture of what I want my life to be about. It’s a list of the things I want to do, the things I feel God is calling me to do, and the things I want to accomplish to feel like I lived a full life.

When I am on my death bed, whenever that day may come, I want to look back on my life with a grateful heart and the satisfaction of knowing I did it. I lived. Even if I didn’t accomplish all my goals, at least I tried. I got up every day and worked towards the life of my dreams. I was able to focus on the things that were important and shut out the noise that comes from all of the things that aren’t.

Hopefully, when it is all said and done, I was able to encourage others, build strong relationships, and leave the world in a little better shape than it was in when I found it.

How do you create a bucket list?

Here is the simple 7-step process that I took to map out my bucket list. I learned this from someone along the way and it has helped me learn what is really important to me.

1. List your regrets. Imagine yourself on your death bed. Today. You are going to die in an hour and you have just enough time to look back on your life. What would be your biggest regrets? Write these down.

2. List the actions you need to take. What do you need to start doing today to address these regrets? Typically, it is the opposite of whatever your regret is. So if you would regret not spending more time with your family, then one of your actions would be to spend more time with your family. Write these actions down.

3. Create your bucket list. Make a list of all these actions you want to take throughout your lifetime. They can be about your career, your money, family, friends, travel. Whatever you want them to be. It’s your list!

4. Print out your bucket list and post it in a place you will see every day. Mine is on the wall in my office/dining room. You can put yours in your bedroom, bathroom, office or in your car. It doesn’t matter where it is, it only matters that you see it every day.

5. Get to work. Start at the top of the list and start taking action. Some of these things may be something you do once like take a trip or buy a dog. Some of them may be changes you want to make in yourself over time like read more, spend more time with family, etc. The point is to start taking action. One thing at a time.

6. Be willing to let your list change and evolve. A big thing I have had to learn is that my list is always growing and changing. That’s ok! Be willing to let it change as you change. And believe me, doing things on your bucket list is going to change you in ways you never thought possible.

7. Tell others how to create their bucket list. Share this strategy with a friend or family member. Tell them what you are doing and how you came up with your list. You never know how one conversation like this could totally inspire someone to change their lives.

You have to actually do it

So many people are walking around like zombies. Most of us just go from one pointless activity to the next and never take the time to think about what we want our life to look like. By taking the time to do this exercise, you will be one of the few who broke out of that cycle. You will be free! And the rewards are seriously endless.

But you have to start. You have to actually do it. Most people love to sit around thinking about all the things they would love to do but never actually do any of them. Don’t be one of these people. Start taking action today.

Now seems like a pretty good time to start. So what are your regrets?

Luppy Runs a Marathon

Last night I watched a movie that I think has changed my life.

This movie is truly brilliant. It was made in a way that I could actually feel the emotions of the actor like they were my own. I really love movies, but I seldom have this kind of deep emotional experience. This time it was real. It was me. It was my life.

The name of the movie was “Brittany Runs a Marathon.” Have you seen it yet? It’s on Amazon Prime. I’ll be honest, this is not the kind of movie I would normally watch. It kind of looked like a “girlie” movie, which is not really my thing. Because you know. I’m a dude and stuff.

But also it’s the kind of movie that I know if I let down my cynical guard, it is going to wreck me emotionally. I’m not always up for a two-hour cry fest so I tend to avoid these kinds of movies. But yesterday, I was ready.

So I hit play.

The movie is about a girl in her late twenties who is lonely, broke and fat. She spends all of her time eating and drinking with her friends. Everyone thinks of her as the funny girl because she uses humor as a way to deflect her shame. She is caught in a terrible cycle of self-loathing and loneliness, surrounds herself with people who enable her to continue and is convinced she doesn’t need anyone’s help.

A neighbor invites her to join a running club with her. Reluctantly she starts to face all the awkwardness of a fat person going on their first couple of runs. She slowly begins to lose weight and starts to see other possibilities in her life. She decides to run a marathon with her new running buddies. They go all in and start training.

But of course, life is never that simple or easy. Her old friends try to sabotage her success. She has to face the truth about how social media is making her feel about herself. And she has to face down her biggest demon which is herself.

The biggest thing she has to learn is to let people in. She has to learn that it’s ok to let people help her. At this point in the movie, I was balling like a little school girl. This is probably one of the things I have struggled with the most in my life.

I don’t want to spoil any of the movie for you, so I will let you go watch the rest of it yourself. But let’s just say Brittany goes through a lot of hurt, learns a lot of hard things about herself, and in the end finds a way to be happy.

This is the story of my life.

My nickname used to be “Luppy” (pronounced “loopy”). This was a name I wore with pride. It was like my alter ego, my Slim Shady if you will. As Luppy, I could get ridiculously drunk, say awful things to people and it was funny. I was “the funny guy.” I was the crazy drunk guy. I was loopy.

The problem with having that kind of a persona is that you start to feel like you have to always live up to it. You also start to feel like you ARE that persona. Pretty soon it is not a part you are playing, you become that person.

I became the crazy, drunk guy. I was the self-deprecating funny guy who everybody loved to laugh at but nobody took seriously. In the end, I became this whole other person I never wanted to be. I was no longer Chris Swan. I was Luppy.

Luppy was broke. Fat. Depressed. Lonely. And determined to prove that he had all the answers. He didn’t need anyone’s help. He could figure this all out on his own.

At 505 pounds, Luppy was not doing a very good job of it. The only thing he was doing a good job of was killing himself.

When I quit drinking, I quit referring to myself as Luppy. I basically “changed my name” back to my birth name. I started introducing myself as Chris. It was weird at first because I had been Luppy for so long. But it was clear I wasn’t that person anymore. Even more importantly, I didn’t WANT to be that person anymore. It was time for a change.

It’s not funny anymore.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because this movie really reminded me of something. We all take on personas. We let our addictions as well our “friends” define us. Once that definition is set, we proceed to live up to it. We don’t see any other way to live. And it may seem funny to other people but it is devastating to those who are living it out.

You don’t have to be your persona. You know, deep down, who you really are. If you are not living up to that true identity, then you have to make a change. You have to or it will kill you. It will take you out.

You don’t have to be the life of the party. You don’t have to be the person that everyone wants you to be. You only have to be who God made you to be. I promise you this. If you choose your true identity, the peace and happiness you crave will come your way.

Recovery doesn’t instantly fix everything. I have to show up every day and do the work. But my life is very different now as Chris Swan. I have hope again. I have the desire to pursue big things again. I truly believe in life again. Man, I missed that so much.

Thank you Brittany.

I’m very thankful for Brittany’s story and that she came into my life on a cold Monday night. Watching her live out her story gave me hope and strength to keep living out mine. And maybe my story can help someone keep living out theirs.

There is so much power in relating to another human being. I want you to know that you are not alone. They are making movies about us. That means there are people who want to watch those movies because they can relate to it. Do you get that? We are all in this together. Side by side. Shoulder to shoulder.

You really need to watch the movie. If you are at all like me, you will see a lot of yourself in it. Matter of fact, the only thing about this movie that is not exactly like my life is that I have NOT run a marathon…

Yet.

Is it ok to be fat?

What would you say if I told you it’s not ok to be fat?

What is your first reaction?

I think a lot of people would say some of the following things:

You can’t use the word “fat.” That’s offensive.

Who are you to judge others?

We should love people no matter how much they weigh.

A person’s weight doesn’t equal their worth.

It’s ok to be fat as long as you get some exercise.

It’s ok to be fat as long as you are happy.

Any of those sound familiar?

I think I have used them all myself at one time or another, mainly to justify my own weight issues.

Nobody wants to feel like a loser. Nobody wants to feel like a failure. When we struggle with something, like our weight, we start to look for answers. Sometimes excuses can come disguised as answers. We latch on to these excuses, we find people who will also support these excuses, and we surround ourselves in lies.

Over time we start to believe our excuses.

But just because we believe something doesn’t mean it’s true.

We do all this in the name of making ourselves feel better. We reach for food to comfort ourselves. But comfort is not the same as being healthy. Those are two completely different things that we mistake for each other all too often.

The truth is being fat is a symptom. It is a very obvious sign that someone is spiritually sick. They are holding on to fear, resentment, and shame. They are seeking comfort from food instead of facing the truth. They are either addicted to food, have compulsions they can’t control or are in such a state of depression and denial they don’t see any other way to live.

Fat life is a very hopeless existence.

How do I know this? Because that was me for 40 years until I got into recovery.

Thinking that being fat was ok allowed me to get up to 505 pounds. It made me sick. I was on pharmacy store supply level of medications. I could barely walk. I was in constant pain. I was asthmatic. I was prediabetic. I was depressed. I was anxious. I was lonely.

I was dying.

It wasn’t until a couple close friends of mine told me the truth that I started to see how sick I was. The truth they told me was that they were afraid I was going to die soon. Hearing that from someone close to me hurt. It shook me to my core.

But it saved my life.

The truth is being fat is dangerous. Physically, mentally and spiritually. So now I am going to say something that used to be a very obvious statement, but it seems like nobody says it anymore…

Being fat is bad for your health.

We all know that, but we keep denying it in order to be nice. We don’t want to be mean so we say that being fat is ok. We don’t want to be looked at as a “shamer” so we go along with the crowd. We say the most ridiculous things in the name of being progressive or supportive. We find ourselves saying things like “As long as they are happy, then that’s fine with me.”

Here is a little secret that the Body Positivity Community won’t ever tell you:

There are no fat people who are happy.

Being fat means you are sick. It means your body can’t process everything you are putting into it which means it has to work harder. And that ultimately means it will crap out sooner and you will die younger. It also puts you at a much higher risk for diabetes, cancer, and heart disease.

Doctors always say “puts you at a higher risk” because they can’t legally say that you WILL get one of these things. But the truth is, if you continue to beat your body up with food, it is only a matter of time before you will.

Being fat also means that you will have a lower quality of life while you are alive. You can lie to yourself all you want, but all my fellow fat people know that life is a million times harder when you are fat.

You constantly worry about your health. You constantly worry about having a heart attack or stroke. You don’t fit into airplane seats. You constantly worry about breaking furniture. You are always uncomfortable. You are scared to go anywhere because you don’t know if you will be able to be comfortable in that situation. Will they have a chair you can fit in? Will you fit into the Uber when they come to pick you up?

The truth is the Body Positivity Movement is killing people. It is telling people it is ok to be fat. It is telling parents it is ok to let your kids eat whatever they want and be fat. It is making us accept a deadly disease as normal. And that is why people are dying.

Approximately 300,000 people die due to obesity-related sickness every year.

Being fat is not ok.

Does that mean you should hate yourself if you are fat?

Of course not.

This is the line that people are so afraid to cross so we just make it ok to be fat instead of dealing with defining the line better. Self-hate will never get you anywhere. We need to be able to step back from our identity as a “fat person” and look at it objectively. We can say that we have a problem without hating ourselves. It doesn’t have to be one or the other. And ultimately we should love ourselves enough to see that we have a problem and we need help.

Does that mean we should tease fat people?

Of course not.

But what it does mean is we should love people enough to be honest with them, even if it makes us uncomfortable. Lying to a fat person and saying they look good or look healthy is not helping anyone. It is making you into a lier and it is making them feel ok about their destructive behavior.

What are we supposed to do?

Think about it. If you had a friend who was doing heroin, you wouldn’t say “Hey man, as long as you are happy do all the heroin you want!” You would be the world’s worst friend if you said that.

What you would probably say is “Hey man, I love you. And I hate to see you kill yourself. If there is anything I can do to help you, just say the word and I’m there.”

That is the exact same thing you need to say to your fat friend. You could save their life just like my friends helped save mine.

Justification is not love. Being progressive is not love. Being tolerant is not love.

Love is love.

And real love is being honest. We need to stop kidding ourselves to make ourselves feel better while sick people are dying.

P.S. I want to give a big shout out to my friend Greg. We have been talking a lot about this subject lately. His thoughts and ideas are a huge inspiration to me. I’m very thankful to have a friend who is willing to talk about real stuff. I am forever changed because of his friendship. I hope you have a friend like that in your life too.

The True Birth Of Tragedy

I have been reading a lot of and about Friedrich Nitzsche lately. It all began when I read his first book The Birth of Tragedy. I was instantly intrigued by this man’s ideas and his life. I honestly saw a lot of myself in him. I had to learn more.

Friedrich Nitzsche was a german philosopher and author who lived in the late 1800’s. He will forever be remembered as one of the most influential existential thinkers of all time. He was a brilliant man but was plagued with a life of ill health and social isolation. His obsessions, as well as his reclusiveness, led to him eventually going mad and being institutionalized. He died at the young age of 55 of a stroke. His mind and his body just could not take any more turmoil.

How does someone so brilliant end up this way?

You would think that if someone was so smart they would be able to figure out how to find peace and happiness. You would think that being smarter would help you find meaning and purpose in your life. But it turns out that we can’t think our way into happiness. We can’t think our way into meaning. Our minds are amazing but there are some answers they are just unable to find.

One of the key elements of Nietzsche’s work was his statement that “God is dead.” He believed that religion was keeping people from greatness. It was the fault of religion that kept people suffering and the only way to be truly free was to let go of the idea of God and find meaning elsewhere. He looked to art first and that was the subject of his book The Birth Of Tragedy.

He believed true art, especially music, could give man meaning. It brought out the part of us that is truly human and thus could deliver us some peace of mind. I think we all know what he means. Music touches us on such a deep level. And seeing music live can spark emotions we thought we had buried deep. It brings us to tears, it brings our emotions to the forefront and it makes us feel alive. That is why music is so amazing to us.

But is that enough?

For Nietzsche, it wasn’t. Musically induced emotion is fleeting. It is only present for a moment and then it is gone. If we are living for this type of emotion, we will spend our lives chasing it. Music can become our new drug. We are constantly trying to relive a fond memory we had at a concert or the first time we heard our favorite song. It is a never-ending search for a feeling of comfort and meaning that even when we do rediscover it, it is gone again just as quickly as it came back.

I love music. I believe the world needs music. It can remind us of what it is to be human and it can make us feel alive. But music alone is not enough to bring us true peace. If what we are searching for is happiness in life then what we really seek is contentment. And as long as we are chasing fleeting emotions, we will never find the contentment that we crave.

We will never truly find what we are looking for in art, music, food, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, spending, vacations, etc. The list goes on and on. Some of these things can be great but when we put our whole happiness on these things, they will fail us every time. We will never have enough and we will always be left wanting more. That is by definition discontentment. The opposite of what we truly seek.

So where do we find contentment?

Some people won’t like my answer to this, but I have found there is truly only one way to find contentment. That is to give up. Surrender. Stop trying to do everything on your own. We have to stop relying on our own power and turn to a power greater than us. It is the only way we can truly be free and find the purpose and joy that we so crave in this life.

I know a lot of people don’t want to hear that God is the answer. But He is. And here is the thing, you can call Him whatever you want to call him. Call Him the Universe if that makes you feel better. Call Him love. Call Him a Her. I don’t care what you call the power, you just have to call the power.

Surrendering to a power greater than us is the key. When we can truly let go of our self-will, we become free. Our burdens are lifted. We find we are not alone in this life and that our life has real meaning. To know there is a power that is in control, who has a plan, and who loves us enough to include us in that plan, that right there is the meaning of life.

Nietzsche spent his whole life running from God and looking for answers within himself. He believed man had the power to define his own meaning and find worth in his own greatness. And although many of his writings can be quite inspiring, did any of this actually work for him?

Did Nietzsche ever find what he was looking for?

The answer is no, he never did. He never found true peace and meaning. He went insane trying to do it all on his own. And he died at a young age completely defeated and alone. And while he was alive, he was so wrapped up in self-reliance that he missed many of the joys in life. He never had many friends. He lived in isolation his whole life. He dated one girl briefly, but that didn’t last and he gave up completely on love. It’s an incredibly sad story of a man separated from God, by choice, and suffering because of that choice.

I don’t know about you, but I can relate so much to Nietzsche’s story. I have often chosen isolation over the company of others. I have questioned the existence of God. And I have felt the intense sadness that comes as a result of a complete lack of purpose and meaning in my life. I spent a lot of my life trying to will myself into happiness. I thought I just wasn’t trying hard enough or I wasn’t smart enough and if I kept pushing myself, eventually I would find the happiness I craved. But my efforts only made me more miserable. I was headed into my own end of madness and ill health weighing 505 pounds and being completely depressed.

It wasn’t until I gave up and surrendered to a higher power that things started to change. When I decided to look for God again instead of keep running away from Him, I started to get my life back. It is an ongoing practice, but every day gets a little better. The world feels more alive. The wonder and magic I had as a kid is coming back. I hear music differently. I taste food differently. My interests are growing daily. I am becoming the man I have always wanted to be and that only started happening when I chose God over myself.

The true birth of tragedy

The true birth of tragedy happens when a man or woman gives up on God. That decision is a pivotal moment in anyone’s life, whether we want to admit it or not. We are all born with an innate sense of a higher power. We find it in our parents first. But we sense it all around us as well. As we get older and life pushes us around a little, we start to get bitter and cynical.

If we don’t fight off this cynicism, we let it get the best of us and we turn our backs on what is true in our life. We start looking for our own answers. We start believing we don’t need anyone, we can do this alone. That is when we give up on our lives and begin to live the rest of it in tragedy. It’s a truly sad story that keeps repeating over and over again throughout history.

If you want a life of peace and joy, it truly does exist. But you have to be willing to let go and willing to let yourself believe again in order to find it.

What Is Really Important To You?

Do you ever get really confused about life sometimes?

I get confused all the time. I let life overwhelm me and I literally forget what I’m doing. I forget the point of all this life stuff and I start focusing on things that don’t really matter.

I get distracted and stressed. Once I am stressed, I tend to focus on the stress which brings more of it into my life. The next thing I know I am depressed or bored and I don’t want to do anything but sit around and watch Netflix.

And as I sit there watching a show I am barely interested in, I can’t help but think…

What happened? How did I get here so fast?

Money is a subject that can do that to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love money, but I can get so caught up in how I am going to make my next $100 that I lose sight of the important stuff. I can focus really quickly on what I don’t have. How am I going to pay my bills? What if I can’t make enough money? I can lose my mind pretty quick when it comes to money.

Boredom is another thing that overtakes me often. Even when I am busy, I get bored. And then I start to focus on my boredom. That focus becomes a pity party. And before I know it, I feel lost again.

Loneliness is a common culprit as well. When I feel lonely, I can find myself going down the rabbit hole of isolation. You would think that when I feel lonely my instinct would be to reach out to friends, but it is actually the opposite. My instinct is to pull away from people, embrace the loneliness and try to find comfort in it.

Money, boredom, loneliness and so many other things become daily distractions for me. They confuse me. They pull me away from the life God wants me to live.

My point here is not to say that any of these things are bad. Sometimes you need to feel bored or lonely. It’s ok. It’s part of being human.

My point is to state that when I feel lost or confused, I need to remember what is important to me. I need to remind myself daily of the things that bring hope and joy into my life. The things that I feel called to do. The things that ring true with the life that God wants me to live.

So I made a list.

This may seem silly to some, but it is something I really needed to do. I sat down and made a list of all the things that are important to me. What are the things that give me life? What are the things that I am forgetting to do? What are the things that I need to spend more time doing?

After I made my list, I printed it out and put it up on my wall. I need to see this list every day. I need to be reminded of what it is I am supposed to be doing. When I get confused, all I have to do is look at my wall and I am reminded of what is really important in my life.

So what made the list? Here it is…

What Is Really Important To Me

My list of what is really important to me

1. Prayer and meditation

2. Exercise

3. Getting outside

4. Serving

5. Giving

6. Community

7. Friends

8. Family

9. Education

10. The arts

11. My dog

12. Phone calls

13. Meetings

14. Church

15. Sunrises and sunsets

16. Travel

17. Exploring my city

Simple. But life-changing.

I can’t tell you how much peace and joy this list gives me. It is a simple exercise but it restores hope in me to look at it. It is a list of what seem like obvious things, but when life gets crazy, I forget to do these things.

Having this list up on my wall gives me something I can do when I am feeling lost. I know I can go to my wall, stare at this list, find something to do and go out and do it.

I am sure this list will evolve with time. I will think of new things to put up there and always be adding to the list. But this list right here gives me a great place to start. Making time for these things sounds like the kind of life I want to live.

So how about you? What is on your list? If you struggle with feeling lost or confused like I do, I would highly recommend making a list and sticking it up on your wall. What have you got to lose?

Leave me a comment and share what is important to you. Who knows, I might have to add some of your suggestions to my list too!

How Do You Measure Success?

Social media is a depressing place to hang out. At least it has been for me this past year.

As we all know, social media is where everybody shows their “best lives.” We see all the awesome trips, all the happy families, all the great accomplishments, and yet we see none of the failure, sadness and loneliness. If you are judging your life by comparing it to others on social media, you are sure to live a very depressed life, feeling like a failure.

How I Spent My Time In 2019

I’ve been learning a lot about myself over this last year. One of the big things I have learned is that I have these negative core beliefs about myself. Somewhere along the line I learned to hate myself. I felt like I was always destined to fail because I was a loser. This isn’t always a conscious thought, but it is always playing in the back of my head. So much so that it has become a core belief about myself.

So then I go out into the world and try to find evidence to prove this core belief. Social media is a great place to do that.

Whether it is how many monthly listeners somebody else has on Spotify or how many followers someone has on Instagram, I can always find plenty of people who are doing so much better than me. Then I only focus on those people. Instead of being grateful for the success I have had, I only look at people who are having more success because that proves my theory that I am a loser. I am destined to fail. Instagram and Spotify tells me that every day. As long as that is what I want to see.

What if I choose to see something else?

What if I choose to see the thousand people who do follow me on Instagram as a thousand actual human beings who want to interact with me. Or see the hundred monthly listeners on Spotify who actually keep coming back because they love my music.

I mean, how much is ever enough? If 1,000 followers isn’t enough, will I be happy with 10,000? Do I need 100,000 to be successful? That’s a game I can never win.

I guess my point is we will see what we want to see. If you want to prove you are a loser, then you will find all the evidence you need. But if you want to prove that you are killing it, the evidence is there to prove that as well. We become who we believe we are.

So How Do You Measure Success?

We should measure success by comparing ourselves today to ourselves yesterday. Are we better today than we were yesterday? If we can say yes, then that is success.

We should never compare ourselves to someone else. We always pick out some super hero who is doing amazing things, compare ourselves to them, fall way short, and then feel like a failure. Often this leads us to give up or at least be really down on ourselves.

But we are comparing their years of work to our days of work. We don’t know everything that went into getting them to where they are. Maybe they have been at it for 10 years and we have only been at it for 2. It’s unfair to expect us to be at the same place they are.

We waste too much time comparing ourselves to others. It’s useless. What we need to do is compare ourselves to ourselves. Have we made progress? Are we better today than we were yesterday? If we are growing and improving, then we are succeeding. That is how you define success.

Stop comparing your worst day to every one else’s best day.

Stop comparing your 2 years of work to someone else’s 10. Stop comparing your lonely day at home to someone else’s amazing vacation in Cancun. You can never win that game. All you will do is ware yourself down and make yourself depressed.

Focus on you. Focus on your growth. Measure your metrics and check in on them monthly. Are they improving?

If so, you are killing it. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep growing and striving. And when you get to your 10 year mark, you will be able to look back at year 2 and see how far you have come. You will be the new standard. You will be who you want to be so badly right now. It’s just a matter of time.

Finally, it is important to note that our self-worth should never come from social media numbers. Those numbers have nothing to do with happiness or contentment. Our worth comes from being a creation of God.

Our worth comes from a power that is bigger than us. This power loved us before there was Facebook or even My Space, so we have to keep this all in perspective. All this social media stuff is nonsense when you really look at the big picture. And if social media is making you hate yourself more, is it really worth it? Maybe it’s time to let it go and get back to living the real life you were meant to live.

Should You Make New Year's Resolutions?

It’s a new year. Are you as excited as I am?

I love the beginning of a new year. It’s a fresh start. It’s time to set some new goals. It’s a chance to look ahead and see all the possibility that awaits us all.

A highly debated topic this time of year is whether you should take the time to make resolutions. Most people have sworn them off because they have let themselves down one too many times.

We all have done it. We have set some big lofty goal, like getting in shape, and we tell ourselves we are going to the gym 5 days a week for the rest of our lives.

Then after about 3 days, we stop going. We know we should but we just can’t get ourselves to do it. It’s too hard. We don’t want to hate our lives. But then we start hating ourselves because we said we were going to do something and we failed. We feel ashamed and embarrassed. Every time our friends ask us how it’s going at the gym, we have to quickly decide if we are going to lie or if we are going to face ridicule. It’s awful. It’s stressful. It’s no fun.

So then we promise to never make another resolution again. That way we will be safe from ridicule, right? I mean, people can’t make fun for not doing something if you never said you were going to do it in the first place.

Two problems with swearing off resolutions

First of all, promising to never make another resolution again is within itself a resolution. So by doing this you have already blown it. It’s a classic paradox.

Secondly, do you really want to live the rest of your life never trying to achieve anything? Do you want to be that person who never tries anything new? I don’t think any of us want that either.

So what’s the answer.

Forgive yourself and try again.

First, You need to forgive yourself for not following through on the last thing. There are a million reasons why it probably happened, but the main one is that you are a human. A busy, distracted human like the rest of us. Show yourself a little grace. Be nice to yourself. You don’t have to be perfect. Someone should write a song about that. ;)

Second, get up and try again. Don’t be afraid or ashamed of trying again. That is a fundamental human quality. All throughout history humans have been getting knocked down time and again. But we keep getting back up. That is all that is happening to you now. You got knocked down. It’s ok. We all get knocked down. But now is the time to get back up. This is a new day, a new year. It’s time to try again.

What if you don’t stick to your new plan?

I know how it feels to be scared you are going to disappoint yourself again. But I’m here to give you permission to let yourself off the hook. You have that human spirit within you. You always have the power and the option to try again. No matter how many times you fail, you can try again.

So next time you let yourself down with a failed resolution, you’re going to forgive yourself and try again. If you never quit, then you are guaranteed to win. So often we focus on all the things we aren’t doing. We get mad at ourselves for all the things we quit. But do we ever celebrate all the things we are STILL doing?! Never. Isn’t that pretty backward?

We should be giddy every day because of all the things we did stick to. We go to work every day. We pay our bills the best we can. We go to church. We take care of our kids. We buy broccoli. Whatever those things are to you, you are doing them. Consistently. You are winning!

So should you make new year’s resolutions?

Absolutely! I think you should sit down and make a few right now. And when the next New Year comes around, look back at all you accomplished first. Then look at what you still need to accomplish. Set new goals and get to work.

Never give up on yourself. Never stop making new years resolutions. The people who learn to forgive themselves and keep trying are the people who win. I think this year is a good year for you to win too.

How To Live The Life Of Your Dreams

I’m a dreamer.

I always have been since I was a little kid. I’ve always had big plans and would dream about how I would achieve them.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a famous rapper someday. I wanted to play huge sold-out arenas like all my idols did. I wanted to hear a big audience singing the words to my songs.

Once I had my dream in place, I made a plan. I was going to do whatever it took to get to that dream.

I practiced piano obsessively. I wrote songs and learned how to record. I spent days in my room practicing how to perform in front of people.

I grew up living that dream. I was able to perform in front of a lot of people. I went to college and started a band. We toured the country for 6 years playing in front of thousands of people.

It was just a matter of time before I got the things I really wanted, right?

Fame. Money. A crowd of people who all know my songs. I mean, that is what we are taught our whole lives. If we work hard and want something bad enough, it will happen.

But we don’t always get what we want.

Eventually, some people in my band wanted to move on with their lives. The band broke up. I got bitter. I started to see how hard the music business was and that success was not going to come quickly or easily. I worked really hard but I got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore. I gave up. And I entered one of the most depressing times of my life.

After 14 rough years, I came back to a place where I was ready to try again. I started Soul Motivation Records and I was back! The dream was alive and well.

This time it was a little different. I didn’t necessarily want to be famous, I just wanted to connect with people, maybe play some sold-out clubs instead of arenas, and be able to make a fulltime living with my music.

So I went to work. My obsession kicked back in. I spent a lot of time in the recording studio, writing and recording new songs. I put out 3 albums. I spent a lot of money on marketing courses and started surrounding myself with other people who were trying to live the dream too.

I spent countless hours behind my laptop setting up websites, making social media posts, writing blog posts, growing my email list. It was a lot of work but it was a lot of fun because my dream was alive again. And no matter what, I was going to get what I wanted.

And then one day it hit me.

Maybe I won’t get the things that I want?

Will I be ok if I don’t? Maybe God’s plan is different than mine? Can I be happy following God’s plan if it’s not the same as mine?

This was a really hard concept for me to get my head around. It still is, to be honest. I mean, how do you surrender to God but not give up on life altogether?

How do you surrender to God but still have ambitions?

I have been struggling with these concepts for a while now. But I think God has been showing me that I need to be willing to give it all up. I need to be willing to do whatever He wants. And as long as I am fighting that, I am going to be miserable. I am going to be frustrated. I am going to be eyeing the dessert table at the restaurant a little too long.

Am I willing to put it all on the line and really listen to what God wants? Am I willing to let go of what I think is supposed to happen and focus on what is happening?

I have spent a lot of my life living in the “Happy When” mentality. I’ll be happy when I’m a famous rapper. I’ll be happy when I’m rich. I’ll be happy when I’m skinny. And while I am spending all my time trying to make those things happen, I am missing the life that I do have.

And the life I do have, right now, is pretty awesome. I get to play music for a living. I have some amazing friends and family. I live in a really cool city.

I have spent so much time in my dreams that I forgot how to live in reality.

Maybe the key to happiness is letting go of the life we think we are supposed to have and start living the life that we DO have.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a dreamer. There is nothing wrong with dreaming. But in addition to being a dreamer, I am trying to be a better listener as well. I’m keeping my eyes open to what God wants me to do next. And I’m learning that it’s ok to not know right now. I am just going to keep taking one step at a time. God has never let me down and He won’t start now.

I don’t’ have all the answers. I don’t have this all figured out. I wish this blog post had a happier ending with a picture of me playing that big arena. But it doesn’t. I’m not sure what this all means. I don’t know exactly where I’m going next. This is real life and real life doesn’t always go the way we want it to.

I think that is the whole point. It’s not up to me. It’s up to God. And I think the life of my dreams comes from living the life God wants me to live. So I’m going to surrender. I’m going to take a breath. Slow down a little. And spend more time in prayer and meditation.

God is already starting to show me new opportunities. And He is also showing me how to enjoy this life that I have. Right now. Right here. This life is pretty good. When I’m willing to let go of all the expectations I have for my life, then this life is able to bring me joy and peace.

And maybe that was the dream I was looking for all along.

How To Forgive AND Forget

When it comes to forgiveness, I read a really great story in the book Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Waltz.

The story talked about a husband and wife who were having a rough patch in their relationship. The husband had cheated on his wife and he confessed to her. It was really hard but they worked through it with some counseling. She decided to forgive him and they stayed together.

Whenever he would do something to upset her, she would act very cold and distant to him. She would say something like “I have forgiven you but I haven’t forgotten.”

Doesn’t that mean she actually hadn’t forgiven him?

In order to forgive someone, we need to truly let go. We need to forget too. Otherwise, we are just holding onto their sins, throwing them in their face whenever we feel like it, and making sure they feel bad, while we continue to build up our resentment toward them.

That sounds awful. That doesn’t sound like forgiveness.

Forgiveness means we totally surrender. We give up our emotions to God or the Universe or whatever you believe in, but we have to let them go. It is impossible to forgive someone and hold on to those emotions. It doesn’t mean we can’t feel the emotions, but it means we need to stop soaking ourselves in them. In other words, it is impossible to forgive and NOT forget. The two go hand in hand.

Forgiveness is really a gift we give ourselves.

It is not about letting the other person off the hook, it is about letting ourselves off the hook. We get to be free if we truly forgive the other person. Forgiveness frees us from the bondage of anger. It destroys our fears. It opens up our connection with that person and it allows us to love them.

I don’t know about you, but whenever I have to be around someone I don’t love, I am miserable. If you don’t forgive someone who you spend a lot of time with, you are sentencing yourself to a life of misery with that person. Is it really worth it just to prove how hurt you are?

We owe it to ourselves to let go. We were created to be at peace, but as long as we hold onto our anger, we won’t be.

We need to forgive ourselves too.

By the way, other people are not the only people we need to forgive. We need to forgive ourselves too. For all the same reasons. We don’t spend nearly as much time with anyone else as much as we spend with ourselves, so we need to be sure we love ourselves. If we don’t, it’s going to be a long, sad life.

Are you willing to let go and forgive? Even more, are you willing to truly forget? I’m not saying it’s easy, but if we want to be free, we don’t have a choice. The good news is we don’t have to do it alone. God can take that burden off your shoulders. That is what He does. Let Him do what He does best.

How To Not Die When You Retire

How many times have you heard this story?

Some dude, let’s call him John, works super hard his whole life. He climbs the corporate ladder and ends up a top executive at his firm.

As he gets older, his wife begs him to retire so they can relax and travel more. He resists as long as he can but eventually, he takes his leave.

The company throws him a nice party at the Holiday Inn. They give him a shiny watch and he gives them some cliche speech about how he has enjoyed his time with the company.

Then he makes some joke about his golf game. Everyone laughs. “Oh, John. We are going to miss you around here,” says everyone he chats up as he leaves the party that night.

The next thing he knows, he finds himself waking up on a Monday morning with absolutely nothing to do.

At first, this idea seemed fantastic. Finally, he would have time to do all the things he has been putting off. He can clean the gutters and repair the shed like he has wanted to do for years. But when the actual day came, he woke up terrified. The only thing he could think was…

What do I do now?

He tries to take up some hobbies. He joins the country club and starts to work on his golf game. But something is missing. He is bored. He is restless. He grows more and more depressed and anxious.

He begins to get snippy with his wife. Maybe he takes up drinking to fill the time and to feel a little better. He’s miserable and he is a miserable person to be around.

One day, he seems to be sleeping in a little later than usual, so his wife goes to wake him up and get him going for the day. But when she tries, she notices he is cold to the touch. He died in his sleep. That’s it. His life is over.

It had only been 8 months since he retired. They were supposed to spend their golden years traveling the world and now he’s gone. He was in perfect health.

What happened?

It turns out he had nothing else to live for besides his job. When that was taken away, so was his purpose in life. He had nothing left. And no matter how hard he tried to find it in menial hobbies, he couldn’t. He gave up. And when our soul gives up, our body is quick to follow.

This is such a sad story that happens time and time again. We hear about it all the time. Without a purpose, something to live for, strive for, we wither up and die.

Humans are not meant to just exist. We are meant to grow and achieve great things. We live for a challenge. We have to have a goal on the horizon in order for us to feel some hope. Without hope, life starts to feel pretty pointless.

It’s ambition that keeps us alive.

What would have changed the story for John? I don’t know exactly. But I do know that we need something more than a job to live for. Jobs will come and go. Careers can change. We need something deeper than that to hold onto. We need a personal mission statement.

What is our life about? What do we care most about? What legacy do we want to leave when we are gone? If we can answer these questions and put them into a statement we can remember, then we have a fighting chance. We have something bigger than ourselves that we are living for.

Here is my mission statement:

To be a light where it is dark
To make as much music as I can that inspires and encourages people who are hurting
To be constantly improving on my craft of writing, performing, recording and mixing
To provide a community to those who feel isolated and alone
To be THE leader in the positive hip hop movement
To be 100% debt free
To have $3.8M in the bank and be financially free
To travel the world
To make my record company a successful business and do it fulltime
To start a company that helps others pay their medical bills
To weigh 220 pounds and maintain that weight for life
To spend every waking moment of every day fulfilling this purpose.

It’s not perfect and it is always evolving, but it gives me a true north to head towards. It gives me purpose and fills me with hope. It inspires me on days when things feel pointless. It gives me life.

Everybody wants but nobody tries.

If you don’t want to end up another tragic story like John, there is something you can do. Sit down and write out your mission statement. Have you ever done that? It doesn’t have to be perfect, just get it started. Get something down on paper.

Read your mission statement every day. It will keep you centered and focused. And when that day comes where you want to retire, you can do so with peace because you know you are just retiring from a job. You are not retiring from the ambitions that drive you.

There is no watch shiny enough that could ever get me to retire from those.

Why Monday Doesn't Suck Anymore

Diets suck. And they make Mondays suck. You know why? Because every time I blew it on a diet, Monday was the day I would start over.

Monday was the official start day of the new diet around my house growing up. It happened so often, that it became a joke. We would use the phrase “I’ll start over on Monday” as an excuse to eat whatever we wanted over the weekend.

Sometimes Monday would come and go and nothing would change. But then sometimes things did change, and it was the worst.

I had just spent the weekend eating all my favorite foods and now I was supposed to stop cold turkey? I was supposed to go to Weight Watchers and get on a scale in front of other people?

Ugh.

As life went on and I learned more about myself, it became clear the dieting was not the answer for me. I am so grateful I found recovery in Overeaters Anonymous. No more diets for me. And even though I don’t practice the “I’ll start over on Monday” mantra anymore, I did learn a lot from it.

I learned how to never give up.

My parents are amazing people. They struggle with a lot of things like we all do, but they are both fighters. I saw my parents start over again and again and again. Sure, part of me thought they were crazy to keep beating themselves up like that. I used to think “Stop lying to yourself. We both know you aren’t going to start that diet on Monday.”

But then as I got older it hit me. They aren’t beating themselves up. They are doing what every human was born to do. They are surviving.

They are fighting because it is in their DNA to persevere.

It takes a lot of guts to keep showing up for yourself time and time again. It takes a lot of courage to fall down and get back up again - over and over again. And that is what my parents have always done.

No matter how hard things got, they never gave up. I didn’t realize what I was learning at the time, but now I am so thankful that they instilled that value in me. I wouldn’t be half the man I am now if I didn’t have the value of perseverance coursing through my veins. And that all comes from watching my mom and dad.

My parents would eat ice cream on Friday and start over on Monday. They would get into a fight on Thursday but then forgive each other on Monday.

And guess what, they are still married today. That is perseverance and not something most people are willing to do.

It is so easy to quit.

It is so easy to give up. You can find 10 people around you who will back you up if you decide to quit anything. They will tell you all the reasons you should, how your life is so hard and why it’s not worth fighting anymore.

But inside us, we all know that we can have more. We know that we can do better. That is the human spirit. It is in each one of us instinctually.

Humans fight. We don’t give up.

Every now and then on a Monday I get that same feeling of dread I used to get when I was a kid. I get that feeling of “Here we go again.” And then I remember the truth. I GET to do this again. Monday is a new day. It’s a new chance. Monday is my chance to right some wrongs, to grow and to reach out for the life of my dreams.

It’s Tuesday and I already can’t wait for Monday to come.

What Is The Purpose Of Life?

I spend most of my time just trying to get through the day. I am in my own head constantly. Thinking about me and what I need to do to be happy today.

What am I going to eat today? What am I going to do for fun today? How am I going to deal with life today?

It’s all about me. No wonder I feel a lot of misery on these days. That’s the irony of it all. I spend so much time trying to figure out how to make myself happy that it makes me miserable.

And who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

What’s the answer then? I mean, don’t we all want to be happy? Isn’t that a valid pursuit? Isn’t that what life is all about?

When I was at COR - the food recovery retreat that saved my life - one of the speakers said something that changed my life. He said…

“We were made to love others. That is the root of happiness.”

That’s it! The thing I have been looking for all my life. I had been so involved in myself and so wrapped up in my addictions that I didn’t have anything left to give to others. I was blocked off from God because I was numbing everything out with food and alcohol. And then because I felt disconnected from God, I also felt disconnected from people. I felt isolated and alone. And this led to misery.

I found my answer at COR - I need to love other people more.

So if I have the answer, why am I still struggling? Sure I am not in the food anymore and I quit drinking over 3 years ago, but I still struggle with feeling that connection with people. I still feel lonely and isolated a lot. What’s up with that? I thought I was fixed?!

It turns out that we are never fixed, but we do get better.

I can honestly say that my relationships are so much better today than they were a few years ago and that is all because of recovery. I can honestly say that I see God working in my life every day and that is all because of recovery. I have a hope that I never had before and that is, yep you got it, all because of recovery.

I’m healing but I’m not healed. There’s a difference. And I don’t think any of us ever become fully healed. But there is so much peace and joy that comes from the healing. I truly have to remember to stay in the present and be thankful for where I’m at today. It’s light-years away from where I was.

And when it comes to people, I need to keep working on giving of myself more. I give in a lot of ways, but I still can be super selfish. I need to remember that we are here to love each other. True happiness comes from that connection with people. I need people. I need you. And I want you to know that I’m glad you are in my life.

If we believe the purpose of life is to find happiness then that means the purpose of life is to love each other.

That is a pretty great purpose that I can get behind. It takes patience and it takes generosity. I have to be willing to give all that has been given to me. And by giving I get another day.

Generosity
The new single - Principle #11 - is coming 11.1.19

Best Podcasts To Listen To Before You Die

“Live like you’re gonna die tomorrow and learn like you’re gonna live forever.”

There it is again. That great advice I got from my dad and he got from his mom - my grandmother for those of you who are doing the math at home.

Previously, I shared my list of Best Books To Read Before You Die. This was a list of all the books I have read (this far in life) that have completely changed my life.

These days, there are so many ways to get information into our brains. We are truly living in exciting times. There are books, audiobooks, online courses, YouTube videos, and on and on. But besides books, by far my favorite is podcasts.

So as promised, in honor of my new single called “Education,” here is my list of the best podcasts to listen to before you die.

Mindset

Happier with Gretchen Rubin

The Daily Boost

Money

The Dave Ramsey Show

Afford Anything

Business

Building A Storybrand

Perpetual Traffic

I Love Marketing

Online Marketing Made Easy

The MFCEO Project Podcast

Savvy Musician Show

The Music Marketing Podcast

Creative Juice

The Music Industry Blueprint

Teacher Zone

God, Religion and Recovery

The Bible Project

The Way Out Podcast

That Sober Guy Podcast

The SHAIR Podcast

Entertainment

The Cerebral Entertainment Podcast

Rock Paper Podcast

WTF With Marc Maron

There are so many freaking podcasts out there. Every day someone is starting a new one. It can be really overwhelming. Matter of fact, now that I am typing this I am remembering a few more I could add to the list. Good lord.

The point is I’m sure there are so many good ones that I don’t even know about. What did I miss? What are some of your favorites? Leave me a comment below and let me know what you are listening to!