The $1000 Piece Of Gum

I went to bed the other night stressed and anxious. This has been happening a lot lately.

I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do . It had all become too much and I had that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was stressed. Fearful. Angry. Shameful. I felt defeated.

Then I had a dream while I was sleeping. Dreams are weird and so is this one, but the point was simple.

In the dream, I had gone to some kind of collectors museum with my family and purchased a pack of gum that was worth $2000. It was some kind of famous antique gum or something. In the pack of gum there were 2 pieces.

I somehow had lost one already so there was only one left. My 7-year-old nephew asked if he could look at it. I told him he could if he was very careful with it. He grabbed the gum and doing what kids do he popped that last piece of gum in his mouth and started chewing.

After a quick moment of panic and disappointment, I quickly realized what was important. It didn’t matter that I just lost $1000. What mattered is how much my nephew was enjoying the gum. He was chewing and smiling. Having a blast.

It suddenly all made sense. Who cares about the money? The point is to enjoy the gum.

I told him to really enjoy the gum and be sure to tell his friends he chewed a $1000 piece of gum. He then started to cry realizing what he had done. I put my arm around him, laughed, and told him if there is anyone in the world I would want to chew that gum, it was him. He was worth a million pieces of $1000 gum. He smiled and continued to enjoy the gum. I smiled and felt a peace in the pit of my stomach I hadn’t felt all day.

After that, all the stuff I was worried about started to seem silly. What was really important is that my nephew enjoyed the gum. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

Why does that have to change after I wake up?

Enjoy the gum.

- Chris

Addiction Panic

I am an alcoholic and a food addict. I also have an anxiety disorder. My days of addiction were filled with panic attacks. I use to get them almost daily. Fear would grip my entire body. I felt like I was dying or I was going to have a seizure.

I would be so scared for my life in these moments and knew I had to quit drinking and overeating. I knew my bad habits were playing a big role in triggering these panic attacks. But then, when I would consider walking away from my addictions, the panic of not having my only comforts would kick in. It was a catch 22. Damned if I did. Damned if I didn’t.

Can I survive a life of continuing to get my fixes every day? But then, how would I survive without them?

Talk about insanity. I was stuck in the middle of these two choices for years and years. Both with food and alcohol. I remember being in a constant panic. If I didn’t get my fix, how would I survive? What would I have to look forward to every day? And this want became a real need. I needed the food and alcohol to survive and have any joy at all.

I felt trapped and unable to make a move. And this would cause endless bouts of depression and anxiety. It was a scary way to live my life.

Thank God He pulled me out when He did. He showed me it was possible to have joy without my indulgences. Matter of fact, the joy I experience now is real and lasting. And best of all, it has no side effects. I don’t have to suffer through days of hangovers just to get a few hours of fun in my life. I don’t have to spend my days feeling bloated and winded just so I could have a few hours of fun with food.

But the best part is the panic attacks are pretty much gone. I still may have a moment of panic here and there, but I now know how to deal with it. I can call on God to give me strength. I can reach out to my fellows for encouragement. I am not alone. And I am not relying on a deadly substance to get me through the day. The constant panic has been replaced by serenity and freedom.

I am finally free from this insanity and panic. And this freedom came from working the 12 steps of OA. I never want to go back to that life. And I can say honestly today that I will do whatever it takes to stay on this path of recovery and freedom from the panic that used to rule my life.