The $1000 Piece Of Gum

I went to bed the other night stressed and anxious. This has been happening a lot lately.

I was overwhelmed with everything I had to do . It had all become too much and I had that anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was stressed. Fearful. Angry. Shameful. I felt defeated.

Then I had a dream while I was sleeping. Dreams are weird and so is this one, but the point was simple.

In the dream, I had gone to some kind of collectors museum with my family and purchased a pack of gum that was worth $2000. It was some kind of famous antique gum or something. In the pack of gum there were 2 pieces.

I somehow had lost one already so there was only one left. My 7-year-old nephew asked if he could look at it. I told him he could if he was very careful with it. He grabbed the gum and doing what kids do he popped that last piece of gum in his mouth and started chewing.

After a quick moment of panic and disappointment, I quickly realized what was important. It didn’t matter that I just lost $1000. What mattered is how much my nephew was enjoying the gum. He was chewing and smiling. Having a blast.

It suddenly all made sense. Who cares about the money? The point is to enjoy the gum.

I told him to really enjoy the gum and be sure to tell his friends he chewed a $1000 piece of gum. He then started to cry realizing what he had done. I put my arm around him, laughed, and told him if there is anyone in the world I would want to chew that gum, it was him. He was worth a million pieces of $1000 gum. He smiled and continued to enjoy the gum. I smiled and felt a peace in the pit of my stomach I hadn’t felt all day.

After that, all the stuff I was worried about started to seem silly. What was really important is that my nephew enjoyed the gum. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

Why does that have to change after I wake up?

Enjoy the gum.

- Chris

How to make a bucket list

If you were on your death bed right now, and you only had one hour to live, what would your biggest regrets be?

I know that is not a super fun question to ask yourself, but if you take the time to do it, you may be surprised how much it can affect your life.

When I quit drinking, I was lost. I found myself with a newfound energy and I wasn’t sure what to do with it. All I had ever done was drink, eat and sleep. Suddenly I was 40 years old and had no idea what the point of my life was.

That is when I decided to create my bucket list

What is a bucket list?

To me, a bucket list is more than just a list of things I want to do or places I want to go. Those things are on there for sure, but really a bucket list is a picture of what I want my life to be about. It’s a list of the things I want to do, the things I feel God is calling me to do, and the things I want to accomplish to feel like I lived a full life.

When I am on my death bed, whenever that day may come, I want to look back on my life with a grateful heart and the satisfaction of knowing I did it. I lived. Even if I didn’t accomplish all my goals, at least I tried. I got up every day and worked towards the life of my dreams. I was able to focus on the things that were important and shut out the noise that comes from all of the things that aren’t.

Hopefully, when it is all said and done, I was able to encourage others, build strong relationships, and leave the world in a little better shape than it was in when I found it.

How do you create a bucket list?

Here is the simple 7-step process that I took to map out my bucket list. I learned this from someone along the way and it has helped me learn what is really important to me.

1. List your regrets. Imagine yourself on your death bed. Today. You are going to die in an hour and you have just enough time to look back on your life. What would be your biggest regrets? Write these down.

2. List the actions you need to take. What do you need to start doing today to address these regrets? Typically, it is the opposite of whatever your regret is. So if you would regret not spending more time with your family, then one of your actions would be to spend more time with your family. Write these actions down.

3. Create your bucket list. Make a list of all these actions you want to take throughout your lifetime. They can be about your career, your money, family, friends, travel. Whatever you want them to be. It’s your list!

4. Print out your bucket list and post it in a place you will see every day. Mine is on the wall in my office/dining room. You can put yours in your bedroom, bathroom, office or in your car. It doesn’t matter where it is, it only matters that you see it every day.

5. Get to work. Start at the top of the list and start taking action. Some of these things may be something you do once like take a trip or buy a dog. Some of them may be changes you want to make in yourself over time like read more, spend more time with family, etc. The point is to start taking action. One thing at a time.

6. Be willing to let your list change and evolve. A big thing I have had to learn is that my list is always growing and changing. That’s ok! Be willing to let it change as you change. And believe me, doing things on your bucket list is going to change you in ways you never thought possible.

7. Tell others how to create their bucket list. Share this strategy with a friend or family member. Tell them what you are doing and how you came up with your list. You never know how one conversation like this could totally inspire someone to change their lives.

You have to actually do it

So many people are walking around like zombies. Most of us just go from one pointless activity to the next and never take the time to think about what we want our life to look like. By taking the time to do this exercise, you will be one of the few who broke out of that cycle. You will be free! And the rewards are seriously endless.

But you have to start. You have to actually do it. Most people love to sit around thinking about all the things they would love to do but never actually do any of them. Don’t be one of these people. Start taking action today.

Now seems like a pretty good time to start. So what are your regrets?

Luppy Runs a Marathon

Last night I watched a movie that I think has changed my life.

This movie is truly brilliant. It was made in a way that I could actually feel the emotions of the actor like they were my own. I really love movies, but I seldom have this kind of deep emotional experience. This time it was real. It was me. It was my life.

The name of the movie was “Brittany Runs a Marathon.” Have you seen it yet? It’s on Amazon Prime. I’ll be honest, this is not the kind of movie I would normally watch. It kind of looked like a “girlie” movie, which is not really my thing. Because you know. I’m a dude and stuff.

But also it’s the kind of movie that I know if I let down my cynical guard, it is going to wreck me emotionally. I’m not always up for a two-hour cry fest so I tend to avoid these kinds of movies. But yesterday, I was ready.

So I hit play.

The movie is about a girl in her late twenties who is lonely, broke and fat. She spends all of her time eating and drinking with her friends. Everyone thinks of her as the funny girl because she uses humor as a way to deflect her shame. She is caught in a terrible cycle of self-loathing and loneliness, surrounds herself with people who enable her to continue and is convinced she doesn’t need anyone’s help.

A neighbor invites her to join a running club with her. Reluctantly she starts to face all the awkwardness of a fat person going on their first couple of runs. She slowly begins to lose weight and starts to see other possibilities in her life. She decides to run a marathon with her new running buddies. They go all in and start training.

But of course, life is never that simple or easy. Her old friends try to sabotage her success. She has to face the truth about how social media is making her feel about herself. And she has to face down her biggest demon which is herself.

The biggest thing she has to learn is to let people in. She has to learn that it’s ok to let people help her. At this point in the movie, I was balling like a little school girl. This is probably one of the things I have struggled with the most in my life.

I don’t want to spoil any of the movie for you, so I will let you go watch the rest of it yourself. But let’s just say Brittany goes through a lot of hurt, learns a lot of hard things about herself, and in the end finds a way to be happy.

This is the story of my life.

My nickname used to be “Luppy” (pronounced “loopy”). This was a name I wore with pride. It was like my alter ego, my Slim Shady if you will. As Luppy, I could get ridiculously drunk, say awful things to people and it was funny. I was “the funny guy.” I was the crazy drunk guy. I was loopy.

The problem with having that kind of a persona is that you start to feel like you have to always live up to it. You also start to feel like you ARE that persona. Pretty soon it is not a part you are playing, you become that person.

I became the crazy, drunk guy. I was the self-deprecating funny guy who everybody loved to laugh at but nobody took seriously. In the end, I became this whole other person I never wanted to be. I was no longer Chris Swan. I was Luppy.

Luppy was broke. Fat. Depressed. Lonely. And determined to prove that he had all the answers. He didn’t need anyone’s help. He could figure this all out on his own.

At 505 pounds, Luppy was not doing a very good job of it. The only thing he was doing a good job of was killing himself.

When I quit drinking, I quit referring to myself as Luppy. I basically “changed my name” back to my birth name. I started introducing myself as Chris. It was weird at first because I had been Luppy for so long. But it was clear I wasn’t that person anymore. Even more importantly, I didn’t WANT to be that person anymore. It was time for a change.

It’s not funny anymore.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because this movie really reminded me of something. We all take on personas. We let our addictions as well our “friends” define us. Once that definition is set, we proceed to live up to it. We don’t see any other way to live. And it may seem funny to other people but it is devastating to those who are living it out.

You don’t have to be your persona. You know, deep down, who you really are. If you are not living up to that true identity, then you have to make a change. You have to or it will kill you. It will take you out.

You don’t have to be the life of the party. You don’t have to be the person that everyone wants you to be. You only have to be who God made you to be. I promise you this. If you choose your true identity, the peace and happiness you crave will come your way.

Recovery doesn’t instantly fix everything. I have to show up every day and do the work. But my life is very different now as Chris Swan. I have hope again. I have the desire to pursue big things again. I truly believe in life again. Man, I missed that so much.

Thank you Brittany.

I’m very thankful for Brittany’s story and that she came into my life on a cold Monday night. Watching her live out her story gave me hope and strength to keep living out mine. And maybe my story can help someone keep living out theirs.

There is so much power in relating to another human being. I want you to know that you are not alone. They are making movies about us. That means there are people who want to watch those movies because they can relate to it. Do you get that? We are all in this together. Side by side. Shoulder to shoulder.

You really need to watch the movie. If you are at all like me, you will see a lot of yourself in it. Matter of fact, the only thing about this movie that is not exactly like my life is that I have NOT run a marathon…

Yet.

Why Monday Doesn't Suck Anymore

Diets suck. And they make Mondays suck. You know why? Because every time I blew it on a diet, Monday was the day I would start over.

Monday was the official start day of the new diet around my house growing up. It happened so often, that it became a joke. We would use the phrase “I’ll start over on Monday” as an excuse to eat whatever we wanted over the weekend.

Sometimes Monday would come and go and nothing would change. But then sometimes things did change, and it was the worst.

I had just spent the weekend eating all my favorite foods and now I was supposed to stop cold turkey? I was supposed to go to Weight Watchers and get on a scale in front of other people?

Ugh.

As life went on and I learned more about myself, it became clear the dieting was not the answer for me. I am so grateful I found recovery in Overeaters Anonymous. No more diets for me. And even though I don’t practice the “I’ll start over on Monday” mantra anymore, I did learn a lot from it.

I learned how to never give up.

My parents are amazing people. They struggle with a lot of things like we all do, but they are both fighters. I saw my parents start over again and again and again. Sure, part of me thought they were crazy to keep beating themselves up like that. I used to think “Stop lying to yourself. We both know you aren’t going to start that diet on Monday.”

But then as I got older it hit me. They aren’t beating themselves up. They are doing what every human was born to do. They are surviving.

They are fighting because it is in their DNA to persevere.

It takes a lot of guts to keep showing up for yourself time and time again. It takes a lot of courage to fall down and get back up again - over and over again. And that is what my parents have always done.

No matter how hard things got, they never gave up. I didn’t realize what I was learning at the time, but now I am so thankful that they instilled that value in me. I wouldn’t be half the man I am now if I didn’t have the value of perseverance coursing through my veins. And that all comes from watching my mom and dad.

My parents would eat ice cream on Friday and start over on Monday. They would get into a fight on Thursday but then forgive each other on Monday.

And guess what, they are still married today. That is perseverance and not something most people are willing to do.

It is so easy to quit.

It is so easy to give up. You can find 10 people around you who will back you up if you decide to quit anything. They will tell you all the reasons you should, how your life is so hard and why it’s not worth fighting anymore.

But inside us, we all know that we can have more. We know that we can do better. That is the human spirit. It is in each one of us instinctually.

Humans fight. We don’t give up.

Every now and then on a Monday I get that same feeling of dread I used to get when I was a kid. I get that feeling of “Here we go again.” And then I remember the truth. I GET to do this again. Monday is a new day. It’s a new chance. Monday is my chance to right some wrongs, to grow and to reach out for the life of my dreams.

It’s Tuesday and I already can’t wait for Monday to come.

Generosity: The Lyrics

Generosity

I hold on tight don’t want to let it go
‘Cuz if I do I might begin to let it show
All of my fear has come to stay
There’s got to be another way

If I look up and I begin to fly
Would anyone know the reason why
All of my fear has gone away
By giving I get another day

I try so hard but I can’t believe
That you and I are just meant to be
In different times and realities
When we’re both here right now, you see

I want to know what’s in your mind
What you love and what you find
Each day you travel through this shrine
But we don’t seem to find the time

I don’t see you and you don’t see me
When we’re trapped inside
You could be me and I could be you
It’s just a matter of time

I hold on tight don’t want to let it go
‘Cuz if I do I might begin to let it show
All of my fear has come to stay
There’s got to be another way

If I look up and I begin to fly
Would anyone know the reason why
All of my fear has gone away
By giving I get another day

What will it take for us to change
To share our joy and share our pain
To take the time right now feels strange
We can’t keep on doing the same

Everything I have is a gift
I wouldn’t have it if it wasn’t given to me
Everything I see is a lift
I wouldn’t be this high if God wasn’t with me
Every day I live is a chance
And I wouldn’t get it if I didn’t listen to the truth that is all around
Blocking out the lies
And I hate the sound of fear in disguise
Here’s what I found
See, you and I are pretty much the same being
Sometimes we’re up and sometimes we’re down
But if you look around you can see it’s the same thing
The world will make you lonely if you let it
It took some time for me to get it
You can’t just set it and forget it
‘Cuz we need each other
Bet it

I don’t see you and you don’t see me
When we’re trapped inside
You could be me and I could be you
It’s just a matter of time

I hold on tight don’t want to let it go
‘Cuz if I do I might begin to let it show
All of my fear has come to stay
There’s got to be another way

If I look up and I begin to fly
Would anyone know the reason why
All of my fear has gone away
By giving I get another day

By giving I get another day
By giving I get another day
By giving I get another day
By giving I get another day

Generosity is principle #11 of Chris Swan’s 12 Core Principles to a happy, fulfilled life.
To learn more about the 12 Core Principles, please click HERE.

© 2019 Soul Motivation Records
Written by Chris Swan
Published by Luped Up Music/ASCAP
All rights reserved

What Is The Purpose Of Life?

I spend most of my time just trying to get through the day. I am in my own head constantly. Thinking about me and what I need to do to be happy today.

What am I going to eat today? What am I going to do for fun today? How am I going to deal with life today?

It’s all about me. No wonder I feel a lot of misery on these days. That’s the irony of it all. I spend so much time trying to figure out how to make myself happy that it makes me miserable.

And who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?

What’s the answer then? I mean, don’t we all want to be happy? Isn’t that a valid pursuit? Isn’t that what life is all about?

When I was at COR - the food recovery retreat that saved my life - one of the speakers said something that changed my life. He said…

“We were made to love others. That is the root of happiness.”

That’s it! The thing I have been looking for all my life. I had been so involved in myself and so wrapped up in my addictions that I didn’t have anything left to give to others. I was blocked off from God because I was numbing everything out with food and alcohol. And then because I felt disconnected from God, I also felt disconnected from people. I felt isolated and alone. And this led to misery.

I found my answer at COR - I need to love other people more.

So if I have the answer, why am I still struggling? Sure I am not in the food anymore and I quit drinking over 3 years ago, but I still struggle with feeling that connection with people. I still feel lonely and isolated a lot. What’s up with that? I thought I was fixed?!

It turns out that we are never fixed, but we do get better.

I can honestly say that my relationships are so much better today than they were a few years ago and that is all because of recovery. I can honestly say that I see God working in my life every day and that is all because of recovery. I have a hope that I never had before and that is, yep you got it, all because of recovery.

I’m healing but I’m not healed. There’s a difference. And I don’t think any of us ever become fully healed. But there is so much peace and joy that comes from the healing. I truly have to remember to stay in the present and be thankful for where I’m at today. It’s light-years away from where I was.

And when it comes to people, I need to keep working on giving of myself more. I give in a lot of ways, but I still can be super selfish. I need to remember that we are here to love each other. True happiness comes from that connection with people. I need people. I need you. And I want you to know that I’m glad you are in my life.

If we believe the purpose of life is to find happiness then that means the purpose of life is to love each other.

That is a pretty great purpose that I can get behind. It takes patience and it takes generosity. I have to be willing to give all that has been given to me. And by giving I get another day.

Generosity
The new single - Principle #11 - is coming 11.1.19

How Worry Steals Our Joy

I worry a lot. I worry about little things. I worry about big things. I worry about my health all the time. Even if I feel great, I find something to worry about. I worry about money. Even if my bills are all paid, I worry about the next round of bills coming in.

I worry about my addictions coming back into my life. I worry about whether or not I will be able to fight them off forever. I worry about love and being single. Will I ever meet the girl of my dreams?

I worry about my career. Am I making music that is relevant? Am I reaching enough people? Will I be truly successful?

And on and on it goes.

The problem is these worries are stealing my joy. I am choosing to spend all my time in worry mode and that takes time away from thinking about things that make me happy. It also keeps me from doing some things because I am worried about the outcome.

Worry can destroy us. The more it steals away our small joyful moments, the more disconnected and frustrated we feel. The more frustration that comes into our life, the more we lean towards old bad habits. The next thing you know, we are back in the miserable cycle of addiction wondering how we got there again?

It all starts in our mind.

We get to choose how we spend our mental energy everyday. If we choose to worry, then we choose anxiety and a life of less joy than we deserve. But if we choose to let go of our worries, we are choosing to find more time to spend on joy and all the little moments in life that bring us happiness. Letting go of our worries frees us up to enjoy life again. And that is when we thrive instead of just survive.

I am not saying this is an easy process. Life is hard and confusing and there is a lot to worry about. But if we can start challenging these anxious thoughts right when they start, we can put them into two categories

1. A real, necessary worry.

2. An unnecessary worry about something we can’t control.

If we can let go of the worries that involve things we can’t control, we would be amazed how much of a burden would be lifted.

The next time that anxious thought enters your brain, ask yourself if it’s really worth giving up joy to spend time thinking about it? If it’s not, then just let it go. Give it to God or the universe, and turn your attention to all the awesome in your life. It may take a little practice, but once you get this down, you will start to see all the amazing things that are right in front of you.

Joy is right there waiting for you. All you have to do is choose it.

Serving Others

“All of me should be serving you”

This year I am putting out a new single every month. Each single represents one of the 12 core principles I believe are the key to a happy and fulfilled life. The first principle was Abundance, the second was Gratitude, third Acceptance and now comes the fourth - Serve.

I have spent a lot of years of my life being extremely selfish. I would spend my days just trying to make myself happy. I was all in my head, making every little thing all about me. I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working.

If I was spending so much time trying to figure how to be happy, why was I still so miserable?

That is where the fourth principle comes in. A life lived only serving ourselves is always going to come up short. We end up feeling lonely, inadequate, frustrated and exhausted. It just doesn’t work. The true path to happiness has to include serving others.

When we serve others, we get outside of our heads. We focus on someone else and take our minds off of our own problems. It gives us freedom from the stresses of life as we spend time working on another’s problems.

It helps us connect with one another and realize we are not alone. It helps us feel understood. We are all brothers and sisters and connected on a deep, spiritual level. The only way to experience that feeling is to spend time together.

Serving others brings us satisfaction in knowing we are useful. It reminds us that we matter. The world needs us and every time we serve another, we are shown how much that is true. We each possess very specific skills that we can use to help others. It is our duty to get out there and use those skills.

Serving others shows us how much we can truly affect our surroundings. Helping someone in a small way can send a huge ripple effect out into the world. If you open a door for someone and ask how their day is going, you put a smile on that person’s face and lift their spirits. That makes them want to do something nice for the next person. And then that person goes out does something for another and on and on it goes.

Serving another can actually change the world. Isn’t that amazing?

Serving others makes us feel good. It’s the combination of all these things that brings us joy and peace. It puts our problems in perspective and reminds us how much we have to live for. Serving is a way to change the world, yes. But it is also a way to change OUR own world.

I hope on April 1st, 2019 you will take a listen to my new single Serve. I think it will remind you how important this principle is to all of us and it might just inspire you to start a ripple of your own!

The Benefits Of Gratitude

“Talk about life as a miserable existence, that was me before I started to change.”

For years, most of my adult life for sure, misery was my constant companion. That’s a poetic way to say my life sucked. Or at least I thought it sucked. And since I thought my life sucked, well, it did.

I use to be so focused on everything that was wrong in my life. I was fat. I was lonely. I was broke. I was depressed. And all I could think about was how miserable I was. Every morning, the first thought that came into my head was “Ugh.” Usually followed by a few choice cuss words. I would sleep in as long as I could because I was dreading my day. It was going to be full of stuff I didn’t want to do, more loneliness, more disappointment. Life had become a chore with no joy in it.

Looking back now, it’s no mystery as to why I was so miserable. All I wanted to see was the negative. All the people I hung out with could only see the negative. I was surrounded by hopelessness, inside and out, so how are you suppose to want to get out of bed when that’s all you have to look forward to?!

The crazy part is, my life was amazing. I had so much love, respect and opportunity in my life. I just couldn’t see it through all the “depression fog.” I saw what I wanted to see and I became who I wanted to become.

Fat. Lonely. Broke. Depressed.

It got bad. Really bad. I even became suicidal for a while. I knew I had two options - give up or figure out how to be happy.

Thankfully I chose the second.

I began a quest of discovery. How do happy people do it? What is the difference between their life and mine? And how can I find happiness?

There were many answers that I discovered and I am going to be sharing them with you over the course of this year. But one of the biggest and most obvious was GRATITUDE.

I found out that a lot of happy people are happy because they CHOOSE to be. It doesn’t just happen. They choose to focus on the awesome things in their life. Even when times are hard, they choose to see the good. And when you choose to see the good stuff, then you start to feel good. And good things seem to “start” happening to you. The truth is there has always been good things happening to you, you just couldn’t see them.

This is the year of change. Every month this year I am going to release a new song that deals with a different aspect of overcoming negativity and finding true happiness. It’s all part of the 12 Core Principles I have found to be the cure for depression and the path to a happy life!

The first principle is Abundance and it was my single that came out on January 1st. If you want to read more about this core value, you can do so by checking out my blog post “Why Am I Always Broke?”

The second principle is Gratitude and the single comes out February 1st.

So get ready for big changes this year. These 12 Core Principles will change your life, just like they have changed mine if you choose to embrace them and practice them every day. Everything we want is right in front of us, we just have to choose to see it!