Every day as I go out into the world during these crazy times, I pass by my neighbor's house. Their kids, doing what kids do, have put a simple, classic message on the sidewalk in chalk. It says "Don't Worry, Be Happy."
Is it really that simple?
I don't know but it certainly isn't always that easy. Especially right now. I think it's safe to say that we all have a lot of worries right now. Can we really turn them all off and be happy just because some kids told us to with chalk? I don't know if I could do that even if Bobby McFerrin himself showed up and told me to.
But I will say this, every time I walk by that house I smile. I have a moment of peace. I feel connected to the world and I have a moment of escape as I sing a line or two from that classic song from my youth.
The chalk is working.
One day the rains came and washed the sidewalk message away. It created a blank slate on the sidewalk again. All that hard work those kids had done was gone. The beautiful colors were gone and the sidewalk was back to it's normal, grey self. It kind of felt like the hope was gone too.
But none of that seemed to phase these kids one bit. The very next day they had redone the whole thing. They recreated the sidewalk almost exactly as it was before the rain. The message of hope was back. Brighter and louder than before.
How many of us would do that? When all our hard work is washed away, it is so easy to give up and say "What's the point?" We take moments like this so deeply personal. We let it rob us of our joy and our hope.
But the truth is it was just a little rain. Rain always comes. If you are going to write a message in chalk on the sidewalk, you better be ready to do it again because the rain is coming. The rain will wash it away eventually. But if that message is important to you, you can go out and write it down again. As many times as needed.
As long as you still have the chalk, you still have the power to make a difference. No matter how many times it rains, the sun keeps coming out. When the sun comes out that means it's time for us to grab our chalk and go back to work.
The world needs us.
What Is Really Important To You?
Do you ever get really confused about life sometimes?
I get confused all the time. I let life overwhelm me and I literally forget what I’m doing. I forget the point of all this life stuff and I start focusing on things that don’t really matter.
I get distracted and stressed. Once I am stressed, I tend to focus on the stress which brings more of it into my life. The next thing I know I am depressed or bored and I don’t want to do anything but sit around and watch Netflix.
And as I sit there watching a show I am barely interested in, I can’t help but think…
What happened? How did I get here so fast?
Money is a subject that can do that to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love money, but I can get so caught up in how I am going to make my next $100 that I lose sight of the important stuff. I can focus really quickly on what I don’t have. How am I going to pay my bills? What if I can’t make enough money? I can lose my mind pretty quick when it comes to money.
Boredom is another thing that overtakes me often. Even when I am busy, I get bored. And then I start to focus on my boredom. That focus becomes a pity party. And before I know it, I feel lost again.
Loneliness is a common culprit as well. When I feel lonely, I can find myself going down the rabbit hole of isolation. You would think that when I feel lonely my instinct would be to reach out to friends, but it is actually the opposite. My instinct is to pull away from people, embrace the loneliness and try to find comfort in it.
Money, boredom, loneliness and so many other things become daily distractions for me. They confuse me. They pull me away from the life God wants me to live.
My point here is not to say that any of these things are bad. Sometimes you need to feel bored or lonely. It’s ok. It’s part of being human.
My point is to state that when I feel lost or confused, I need to remember what is important to me. I need to remind myself daily of the things that bring hope and joy into my life. The things that I feel called to do. The things that ring true with the life that God wants me to live.
So I made a list.
This may seem silly to some, but it is something I really needed to do. I sat down and made a list of all the things that are important to me. What are the things that give me life? What are the things that I am forgetting to do? What are the things that I need to spend more time doing?
After I made my list, I printed it out and put it up on my wall. I need to see this list every day. I need to be reminded of what it is I am supposed to be doing. When I get confused, all I have to do is look at my wall and I am reminded of what is really important in my life.
So what made the list? Here it is…
What Is Really Important To Me
My list of what is really important to me
Prayer and meditation
Exercise
Getting outside
Serving
Giving
Community
Friends
Family
Education
The arts
My dog
Phone calls
Meetings
Church
Sunrises and sunsets
Travel
Exploring my city
Simple. But life-changing.
I can’t tell you how much peace and joy this list gives me. It is a simple exercise but it restores hope in me to look at it. It is a list of what seem like obvious things, but when life gets crazy, I forget to do these things.
Having this list up on my wall gives me something I can do when I am feeling lost. I know I can go to my wall, stare at this list, find something to do and go out and do it.
I am sure this list will evolve with time. I will think of new things to put up there and always be adding to the list. But this list right here gives me a great place to start. Making time for these things sounds like the kind of life I want to live.
So how about you? What is on your list? If you struggle with feeling lost or confused like I do, I would highly recommend making a list and sticking it up on your wall. What have you got to lose?
Leave me a comment and share what is important to you. Who knows, I might have to add some of your suggestions to my list too!
How Do You Measure Success?
Social media is a depressing place to hang out. At least it has been for me this past year.
As we all know, social media is where everybody shows their “best lives.” We see all the awesome trips, all the happy families, all the great accomplishments, and yet we see none of the failure, sadness and loneliness. If you are judging your life by comparing it to others on social media, you are sure to live a very depressed life, feeling like a failure.
How I Spent My Time In 2019
I’ve been learning a lot about myself over this last year. One of the big things I have learned is that I have these negative core beliefs about myself. Somewhere along the line I learned to hate myself. I felt like I was always destined to fail because I was a loser. This isn’t always a conscious thought, but it is always playing in the back of my head. So much so that it has become a core belief about myself.
So then I go out into the world and try to find evidence to prove this core belief. Social media is a great place to do that.
Whether it is how many monthly listeners somebody else has on Spotify or how many followers someone has on Instagram, I can always find plenty of people who are doing so much better than me. Then I only focus on those people. Instead of being grateful for the success I have had, I only look at people who are having more success because that proves my theory that I am a loser. I am destined to fail. Instagram and Spotify tells me that every day. As long as that is what I want to see.
What if I choose to see something else?
What if I choose to see the thousand people who do follow me on Instagram as a thousand actual human beings who want to interact with me. Or see the hundred monthly listeners on Spotify who actually keep coming back because they love my music.
I mean, how much is ever enough? If 1,000 followers isn’t enough, will I be happy with 10,000? Do I need 100,000 to be successful? That’s a game I can never win.
I guess my point is we will see what we want to see. If you want to prove you are a loser, then you will find all the evidence you need. But if you want to prove that you are killing it, the evidence is there to prove that as well. We become who we believe we are.
So How Do You Measure Success?
We should measure success by comparing ourselves today to ourselves yesterday. Are we better today than we were yesterday? If we can say yes, then that is success.
We should never compare ourselves to someone else. We always pick out some super hero who is doing amazing things, compare ourselves to them, fall way short, and then feel like a failure. Often this leads us to give up or at least be really down on ourselves.
But we are comparing their years of work to our days of work. We don’t know everything that went into getting them to where they are. Maybe they have been at it for 10 years and we have only been at it for 2. It’s unfair to expect us to be at the same place they are.
We waste too much time comparing ourselves to others. It’s useless. What we need to do is compare ourselves to ourselves. Have we made progress? Are we better today than we were yesterday? If we are growing and improving, then we are succeeding. That is how you define success.
Stop comparing your worst day to every one else’s best day.
Stop comparing your 2 years of work to someone else’s 10. Stop comparing your lonely day at home to someone else’s amazing vacation in Cancun. You can never win that game. All you will do is ware yourself down and make yourself depressed.
Focus on you. Focus on your growth. Measure your metrics and check in on them monthly. Are they improving?
If so, you are killing it. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep growing and striving. And when you get to your 10 year mark, you will be able to look back at year 2 and see how far you have come. You will be the new standard. You will be who you want to be so badly right now. It’s just a matter of time.
Finally, it is important to note that our self-worth should never come from social media numbers. Those numbers have nothing to do with happiness or contentment. Our worth comes from being a creation of God.
Our worth comes from a power that is bigger than us. This power loved us before there was Facebook or even My Space, so we have to keep this all in perspective. All this social media stuff is nonsense when you really look at the big picture. And if social media is making you hate yourself more, is it really worth it? Maybe it’s time to let it go and get back to living the real life you were meant to live.
These Are The Principles: A Behind The Scenes Look At The Principles Album and Training Course
Click play below to watch the video!
Generosity: The Lyrics
Generosity
I hold on tight don’t want to let it go
‘Cuz if I do I might begin to let it show
All of my fear has come to stay
There’s got to be another way
If I look up and I begin to fly
Would anyone know the reason why
All of my fear has gone away
By giving I get another day
I try so hard but I can’t believe
That you and I are just meant to be
In different times and realities
When we’re both here right now, you see
I want to know what’s in your mind
What you love and what you find
Each day you travel through this shrine
But we don’t seem to find the time
I don’t see you and you don’t see me
When we’re trapped inside
You could be me and I could be you
It’s just a matter of time
I hold on tight don’t want to let it go
‘Cuz if I do I might begin to let it show
All of my fear has come to stay
There’s got to be another way
If I look up and I begin to fly
Would anyone know the reason why
All of my fear has gone away
By giving I get another day
What will it take for us to change
To share our joy and share our pain
To take the time right now feels strange
We can’t keep on doing the same
Everything I have is a gift
I wouldn’t have it if it wasn’t given to me
Everything I see is a lift
I wouldn’t be this high if God wasn’t with me
Every day I live is a chance
And I wouldn’t get it if I didn’t listen to the truth that is all around
Blocking out the lies
And I hate the sound of fear in disguise
Here’s what I found
See, you and I are pretty much the same being
Sometimes we’re up and sometimes we’re down
But if you look around you can see it’s the same thing
The world will make you lonely if you let it
It took some time for me to get it
You can’t just set it and forget it
‘Cuz we need each other
Bet it
I don’t see you and you don’t see me
When we’re trapped inside
You could be me and I could be you
It’s just a matter of time
I hold on tight don’t want to let it go
‘Cuz if I do I might begin to let it show
All of my fear has come to stay
There’s got to be another way
If I look up and I begin to fly
Would anyone know the reason why
All of my fear has gone away
By giving I get another day
By giving I get another day
By giving I get another day
By giving I get another day
By giving I get another day
Generosity is principle #11 of Chris Swan’s 12 Core Principles to a happy, fulfilled life.
To learn more about the 12 Core Principles, please click HERE.
© 2019 Soul Motivation Records
Written by Chris Swan
Published by Luped Up Music/ASCAP
All rights reserved
What Is The Purpose Of Life?
I spend most of my time just trying to get through the day. I am in my own head constantly. Thinking about me and what I need to do to be happy today.
What am I going to eat today? What am I going to do for fun today? How am I going to deal with life today?
It’s all about me. No wonder I feel a lot of misery on these days. That’s the irony of it all. I spend so much time trying to figure out how to make myself happy that it makes me miserable.
And who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor?
What’s the answer then? I mean, don’t we all want to be happy? Isn’t that a valid pursuit? Isn’t that what life is all about?
When I was at COR - the food recovery retreat that saved my life - one of the speakers said something that changed my life. He said…
“We were made to love others. That is the root of happiness.”
That’s it! The thing I have been looking for all my life. I had been so involved in myself and so wrapped up in my addictions that I didn’t have anything left to give to others. I was blocked off from God because I was numbing everything out with food and alcohol. And then because I felt disconnected from God, I also felt disconnected from people. I felt isolated and alone. And this led to misery.
I found my answer at COR - I need to love other people more.
So if I have the answer, why am I still struggling? Sure I am not in the food anymore and I quit drinking over 3 years ago, but I still struggle with feeling that connection with people. I still feel lonely and isolated a lot. What’s up with that? I thought I was fixed?!
It turns out that we are never fixed, but we do get better.
I can honestly say that my relationships are so much better today than they were a few years ago and that is all because of recovery. I can honestly say that I see God working in my life every day and that is all because of recovery. I have a hope that I never had before and that is, yep you got it, all because of recovery.
I’m healing but I’m not healed. There’s a difference. And I don’t think any of us ever become fully healed. But there is so much peace and joy that comes from the healing. I truly have to remember to stay in the present and be thankful for where I’m at today. It’s light-years away from where I was.
And when it comes to people, I need to keep working on giving of myself more. I give in a lot of ways, but I still can be super selfish. I need to remember that we are here to love each other. True happiness comes from that connection with people. I need people. I need you. And I want you to know that I’m glad you are in my life.
If we believe the purpose of life is to find happiness then that means the purpose of life is to love each other.
That is a pretty great purpose that I can get behind. It takes patience and it takes generosity. I have to be willing to give all that has been given to me. And by giving I get another day.
Generosity
The new single - Principle #11 - is coming 11.1.19
We Are All A Bunch Of Liars
Have you ever walked down the street and looked into the eyes of people walking by you? I mean, really looked.
Most people are looking down (if they’re not looking at their phones). They look angry. Stressed. Depressed. And I bet if you walked up to any one of those people and asked them “How are you doing today?” they would pep up, put on a smile and say “I’m doing good!”
We are all a bunch of liars.
Every one of us is hurting. Deeply. And our pain is just beneath the surface. Some of us stuff it down more than others, but we all have that nagging feeling in our stomachs.
It’s the feeling that tells us we are alone. The feeling that tells us we aren’t ok.
It’s the fear that people don’t like us. It’s the fear that people may discover the real us, and abandon us forever.
Yet we go out into the world and tell everyone we are fine. And why wouldn’t they believe us?
We smile. Then we tell some self deprecating joke to lighten the mood. If it gets really bad, we will ask them how they are doing to take the attention off of ourselves.
What we really want to do is start crying, find someone to give us a hug and tell us it’s going to be ok.
Yet we don’t do it. We don’t ask for help.
We ignore our emotions. Tell ourselves we are ok. And then some tiny, little thing will go wrong and the next thing you know we are in a pint of ice cream crying asking…
What happened?
You’re hurt, that is what happened.
Someone hurt you a long time ago. Probably a lot of different people. It all starts when we are kids. Someone does something awful to us, even if they don’t mean to. Then we get programmed with some misinformation about ourselves (ie “I’m stupid” or “I’m ugly”) then we choose to believe it. Since we believe these lies, we attract people into our lives that will help reinforce them.
It’s crazy, right? We actually bring the people into our lives who make us feel the worst.
And then what happens? You become full of resentment, fear and shame. The next thing you know you are 35, walking down the street staring at the ground. Angry. Stressed. Depressed.
So what is the truth?
We never talk about this stuff. We are so scared to. We think that if we share our deepest, darkest secrets with another human, they would think we were nuts. At best, they would make fun of us. At worst, they would have us arrested or committed.
The opposite is actually true. Think about it. Since we are all walking around with this stuff, we are all waiting for the same thing.
We are desperately waiting for someone to open up to us and tell us their deepest, darkest secret.
Once someone opens up to us, then we feel like we can finally open up to them. We realize we are not the only one with secrets. We are not alone. We are not broken. We are just human.
Once we open up and share our secrets with someone, three things happen.
We get relief
The other person gets relief
The other person usually reacts with understanding and empathy because they have similar feelings and we both discover we are not alone.
All the pain we are holding onto can be let go through a simple conversation with another human being.
But someone has to go first.
The world is waiting to hear your story. Your deepest, darkest secrets could save someone’s life. Your deepest shame could be someone else’s hope. That is what you have inside of you. The opportunity to change or even save someone’s life.
We have to stop lying.
What if we started being totally honest with the next person who asked us how we were doing? Imagine how freeing that would be.
That is how you change the world. One honest conversation at a time.
How Worry Steals Our Joy
I worry a lot. I worry about little things. I worry about big things. I worry about my health all the time. Even if I feel great, I find something to worry about. I worry about money. Even if my bills are all paid, I worry about the next round of bills coming in.
I worry about my addictions coming back into my life. I worry about whether or not I will be able to fight them off forever. I worry about love and being single. Will I ever meet the girl of my dreams?
I worry about my career. Am I making music that is relevant? Am I reaching enough people? Will I be truly successful?
And on and on it goes.
The problem is these worries are stealing my joy. I am choosing to spend all my time in worry mode and that takes time away from thinking about things that make me happy. It also keeps me from doing some things because I am worried about the outcome.
Worry can destroy us. The more it steals away our small joyful moments, the more disconnected and frustrated we feel. The more frustration that comes into our life, the more we lean towards old bad habits. The next thing you know, we are back in the miserable cycle of addiction wondering how we got there again?
It all starts in our mind.
We get to choose how we spend our mental energy everyday. If we choose to worry, then we choose anxiety and a life of less joy than we deserve. But if we choose to let go of our worries, we are choosing to find more time to spend on joy and all the little moments in life that bring us happiness. Letting go of our worries frees us up to enjoy life again. And that is when we thrive instead of just survive.
I am not saying this is an easy process. Life is hard and confusing and there is a lot to worry about. But if we can start challenging these anxious thoughts right when they start, we can put them into two categories
A real, necessary worry.
An unnecessary worry about something we can’t control.
If we can let go of the worries that involve things we can’t control, we would be amazed how much of a burden would be lifted.
The next time that anxious thought enters your brain, ask yourself if it’s really worth giving up joy to spend time thinking about it? If it’s not, then just let it go. Give it to God or the universe, and turn your attention to all the awesome in your life. It may take a little practice, but once you get this down, you will start to see all the amazing things that are right in front of you.
Joy is right there waiting for you. All you have to do is choose it.
Welcome To The Club
Why is it that spiritual people seem to be happier and have betters lives? Is it a coincidence? Or is it because they belong to a special club that gives them an unfair advantage? Can we get into this club or are we not cool enough?
I used to think that’s how it was. These people were special, chosen and they each lived the kind of happy life that was out of reach for me. I thought I wasn’t cool enough to be a part of this club and I was destined to be miserable and alone.
Not true.
The truth is these people are choosing to walk a path that I avoided for along time. It was my choice to stay out of the club even though their doors were wide open to me.
All I had to do was walk in.
What is so great about this club anyway? Why are the members so happy all the time? I think it’s because they are more grounded. They are connected to God and to others. They have peace. They have focus and energy to pursue big things. They have love and have people all around to lift them up. They have community. They have purpose. They have a giving spirit and spend time thinking about others. They have perspective.
These people are not lucky or privileged. They are actively pursuing the life that they want and they are getting results. It is not an exclusive club that is impossible to get into. It is something that is available to you and to me. It’s opportunity that surrounds all of us. If we let down our defenses and stop making excuses, we can have all those things too.
People are not spiritual because they are successful. They are successful because they are spiritual. It is our choice whether we pursue these things or not. No one is stopping you except you. The Spiritual Club is open and taking new members every day. All you have to do is walk through the front doors.
I’ll see you in there.
What Is Success In Life?
I have been struggling lately a lot with how I define success. I find myself getting caught up in comparing myself to others. I feel envious whenever I see someone who has more money than I do or has more fans than I do.
I get jealous. But then I also get down on myself. I feel like a failure because I am not measuring up to the person that has a million followers on Instagram. I set these impossible standards for myself and if I don’t reach them, then I have failed. And therefore by definition, I am not succeeding at life.
Just thinking through this and writing it down already shines a light on what is wrong with this thinking. But I still can’t help it sometimes. I feel like if I am not the best, then I am not successful. And that is a recipe for disaster because there will always be someone with more money and more Instagram followers.
That is a game I can never win.
So what does true success look like? Success doesn’t come from others. My success does not depend upon approval from anyone. I don’t have to compare myself to other people. None of that matters.
The only thing that matters is my health - physical, emotional, and spiritual.
With that in mind, I would define success as spiritual progression. Doing a little better today than yesterday is success. Learning to love and accept myself more is success. Spending more time serving others is success.
The truth is I am already successful because I am showing up every day. I am working on myself, sticking to my program and trusting God to lead the way. I am learning more about myself and others each day.
That is success.
I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to be better than anyone else. I only have to be me. I am perfect the way I am because God created me this way. I have the exact amount of Instagram followers I am supposed to have right now. I have all the money that I need and I have an amazing perfect number of fans who love what I do. Everything is as it is supposed to be right now. And I will continue to grow each day.
The truth is I am who God wants me to be today and if that's not success, then I don’t know what is.
Serving Others
“All of me should be serving you”
This year I am putting out a new single every month. Each single represents one of the 12 core principles I believe are the key to a happy and fulfilled life. The first principle was Abundance, the second was Gratitude, third Acceptance and now comes the fourth - Serve.
I have spent a lot of years of my life being extremely selfish. I would spend my days just trying to make myself happy. I was all in my head, making every little thing all about me. I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t working.
If I was spending so much time trying to figure how to be happy, why was I still so miserable?
That is where the fourth principle comes in. A life lived only serving ourselves is always going to come up short. We end up feeling lonely, inadequate, frustrated and exhausted. It just doesn’t work. The true path to happiness has to include serving others.
When we serve others, we get outside of our heads. We focus on someone else and take our minds off of our own problems. It gives us freedom from the stresses of life as we spend time working on another’s problems.
It helps us connect with one another and realize we are not alone. It helps us feel understood. We are all brothers and sisters and connected on a deep, spiritual level. The only way to experience that feeling is to spend time together.
Serving others brings us satisfaction in knowing we are useful. It reminds us that we matter. The world needs us and every time we serve another, we are shown how much that is true. We each possess very specific skills that we can use to help others. It is our duty to get out there and use those skills.
Serving others shows us how much we can truly affect our surroundings. Helping someone in a small way can send a huge ripple effect out into the world. If you open a door for someone and ask how their day is going, you put a smile on that person’s face and lift their spirits. That makes them want to do something nice for the next person. And then that person goes out does something for another and on and on it goes.
Serving another can actually change the world. Isn’t that amazing?
Serving others makes us feel good. It’s the combination of all these things that brings us joy and peace. It puts our problems in perspective and reminds us how much we have to live for. Serving is a way to change the world, yes. But it is also a way to change OUR own world.
I hope on April 1st, 2019 you will take a listen to my new single Serve. I think it will remind you how important this principle is to all of us and it might just inspire you to start a ripple of your own!
The Benefits Of Gratitude
“Talk about life as a miserable existence, that was me before I started to change.”
For years, most of my adult life for sure, misery was my constant companion. That’s a poetic way to say my life sucked. Or at least I thought it sucked. And since I thought my life sucked, well, it did.
I use to be so focused on everything that was wrong in my life. I was fat. I was lonely. I was broke. I was depressed. And all I could think about was how miserable I was. Every morning, the first thought that came into my head was “Ugh.” Usually followed by a few choice cuss words. I would sleep in as long as I could because I was dreading my day. It was going to be full of stuff I didn’t want to do, more loneliness, more disappointment. Life had become a chore with no joy in it.
Looking back now, it’s no mystery as to why I was so miserable. All I wanted to see was the negative. All the people I hung out with could only see the negative. I was surrounded by hopelessness, inside and out, so how are you suppose to want to get out of bed when that’s all you have to look forward to?!
The crazy part is, my life was amazing. I had so much love, respect and opportunity in my life. I just couldn’t see it through all the “depression fog.” I saw what I wanted to see and I became who I wanted to become.
Fat. Lonely. Broke. Depressed.
It got bad. Really bad. I even became suicidal for a while. I knew I had two options - give up or figure out how to be happy.
Thankfully I chose the second.
I began a quest of discovery. How do happy people do it? What is the difference between their life and mine? And how can I find happiness?
There were many answers that I discovered and I am going to be sharing them with you over the course of this year. But one of the biggest and most obvious was GRATITUDE.
I found out that a lot of happy people are happy because they CHOOSE to be. It doesn’t just happen. They choose to focus on the awesome things in their life. Even when times are hard, they choose to see the good. And when you choose to see the good stuff, then you start to feel good. And good things seem to “start” happening to you. The truth is there has always been good things happening to you, you just couldn’t see them.
This is the year of change. Every month this year I am going to release a new song that deals with a different aspect of overcoming negativity and finding true happiness. It’s all part of the 12 Core Principles I have found to be the cure for depression and the path to a happy life!
The first principle is Abundance and it was my single that came out on January 1st. If you want to read more about this core value, you can do so by checking out my blog post “Why Am I Always Broke?”
The second principle is Gratitude and the single comes out February 1st.
So get ready for big changes this year. These 12 Core Principles will change your life, just like they have changed mine if you choose to embrace them and practice them every day. Everything we want is right in front of us, we just have to choose to see it!