A Million Little Things

I have been feeling really anxious, agitated and frustrated lately.

Anyone else?

It seems like every little thing turns into a big deal. It’s left me feeling confused, angry and searching for answers.

I think this is something that a lot of us do to ourselves. With a lot of meditation, prayer, and conversations with some great people, I have started to learn a few things about myself. I’ve got a few ideas on how to make it stop.

I internalize all the little annoying things that happen throughout my day and turn them into personal failures. I write these moments off as “annoying” or “stressful” but what I am really saying internally is “I’m a failure. I screwed up again. If I was better, that wouldn’t have happened. What’s wrong with me?

I’ve already done it while writing this blog post. When I opened up my Chrome browser, I got a notification. You know those annoying notifications you get at the top of your screen from Facebook or YouTube or whatever. I thought I had turned this off. Matter of fact I know I did, but yet here we are. It’s still happening. Instantly I get pissed at myself. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I figure out how to turn off my notifications? I did what google told me to do. Why isn’t it working?

Frustrating yes. Personal failure no.

Sometimes it’s true that something is missing. I don’t have all the information yet. But is that my fault? Does that make me a bad person? Is that a failure?

No. Not at all. It just means that I haven’t learned everything in the world yet. I have a little more studying to do. But how am I supposed to make myself accountable to know things that I don’t even know about yet? That’s a battle I can never win. But placing these impossible expectations on myself, I set myself up for failure. It is the only possible outcome.

I need to learn that if I don’t know something, then it’s not a failure. It’s just something I still need to learn. That really is all there is to it.

It happened another time while writing this post. I used some incorrect grammar (which I do a lot) while typing that first paragraph. Instantly I judged myself. Anger. Frustration. What is wrong with me? Why am I not smarter? If I was smarter I wouldn’t be messing up grammatically and having to spend time fixing all my mistakes. Isn’t it ok to make mistakes? Do I have to have perfect grammar to be ok? No. And besides, they make awesome apps for that now. Grammarly anyone?! :)

A million little frustrations become a million big failures

I take these super small annoying things that happen throughout my day and turn them into big failures. I do this a million times a day and it all adds up to a million failures. And by mid-afternoon, I am emotionally exhausted and trying to figure out why. Maybe it’s because I just spent the first half of my day railing on myself for every little thing I could find wrong. This leads to anger. Depression. Anxiety. Frustration. Agitation. And generally just feeling like an absolute loser.

Here are just a few examples of the way I do this every day. Do any of these sound familiar?

Dropping something in the kitchen, bumping into some furniture, my computer freezing up, when I misread my GPS app and take a wrong turn while driving, when a client questions me, when a student quits their lessons, when someone doesn’t call me back, when I forget the words to a song, when I play a wrong note on the piano, when I fumble on my words when talking to someone. And on and on it goes. A million little things turning into a million huge failures. Every day. Day after day.

Make it stop!

The good news is now that I am aware of this, there is something I can do about it. I need to practice catching these little things as they happen. Acknowledge the frustration and then speak the truth. These are not personal failures. These are just a part of life. I am a human being who makes mistakes. I am a human being who is still learning new things. I am a human being who needs to practice being kinder to myself.

The keyword here is “practice” This is not going to happen overnight. But if I can start making this a daily practice, I can start catching more and more of these little frustrations before they become huge self-deprecating moments.

So my new practice is to acknowledge these little things and to be kinder to myself. If I can do this a million times a day then everything changes. And right now, a change sounds pretty good to me.

What Is Really Important To You?

Do you ever get really confused about life sometimes?

I get confused all the time. I let life overwhelm me and I literally forget what I’m doing. I forget the point of all this life stuff and I start focusing on things that don’t really matter.

I get distracted and stressed. Once I am stressed, I tend to focus on the stress which brings more of it into my life. The next thing I know I am depressed or bored and I don’t want to do anything but sit around and watch Netflix.

And as I sit there watching a show I am barely interested in, I can’t help but think…

What happened? How did I get here so fast?

Money is a subject that can do that to me. Don’t get me wrong, I love money, but I can get so caught up in how I am going to make my next $100 that I lose sight of the important stuff. I can focus really quickly on what I don’t have. How am I going to pay my bills? What if I can’t make enough money? I can lose my mind pretty quick when it comes to money.

Boredom is another thing that overtakes me often. Even when I am busy, I get bored. And then I start to focus on my boredom. That focus becomes a pity party. And before I know it, I feel lost again.

Loneliness is a common culprit as well. When I feel lonely, I can find myself going down the rabbit hole of isolation. You would think that when I feel lonely my instinct would be to reach out to friends, but it is actually the opposite. My instinct is to pull away from people, embrace the loneliness and try to find comfort in it.

Money, boredom, loneliness and so many other things become daily distractions for me. They confuse me. They pull me away from the life God wants me to live.

My point here is not to say that any of these things are bad. Sometimes you need to feel bored or lonely. It’s ok. It’s part of being human.

My point is to state that when I feel lost or confused, I need to remember what is important to me. I need to remind myself daily of the things that bring hope and joy into my life. The things that I feel called to do. The things that ring true with the life that God wants me to live.

So I made a list.

This may seem silly to some, but it is something I really needed to do. I sat down and made a list of all the things that are important to me. What are the things that give me life? What are the things that I am forgetting to do? What are the things that I need to spend more time doing?

After I made my list, I printed it out and put it up on my wall. I need to see this list every day. I need to be reminded of what it is I am supposed to be doing. When I get confused, all I have to do is look at my wall and I am reminded of what is really important in my life.

So what made the list? Here it is…

What Is Really Important To Me

My list of what is really important to me

1. Prayer and meditation

2. Exercise

3. Getting outside

4. Serving

5. Giving

6. Community

7. Friends

8. Family

9. Education

10. The arts

11. My dog

12. Phone calls

13. Meetings

14. Church

15. Sunrises and sunsets

16. Travel

17. Exploring my city

Simple. But life-changing.

I can’t tell you how much peace and joy this list gives me. It is a simple exercise but it restores hope in me to look at it. It is a list of what seem like obvious things, but when life gets crazy, I forget to do these things.

Having this list up on my wall gives me something I can do when I am feeling lost. I know I can go to my wall, stare at this list, find something to do and go out and do it.

I am sure this list will evolve with time. I will think of new things to put up there and always be adding to the list. But this list right here gives me a great place to start. Making time for these things sounds like the kind of life I want to live.

So how about you? What is on your list? If you struggle with feeling lost or confused like I do, I would highly recommend making a list and sticking it up on your wall. What have you got to lose?

Leave me a comment and share what is important to you. Who knows, I might have to add some of your suggestions to my list too!

How To Find True Love In Life

When I was little I used to think that love would come easy.  I would grow up, find the girl of my dreams, get married, have kids, blah blah blah.

You know how the rest of that goes.

I Want True Love In My Life

I dated a few girls growing up, but none of them seemed to stick around for long.  Sometimes I would end it, sometimes they would. But I always knew it would end eventually.

I even had a couple of serious relationships over the years. But they ended too and when they did, I was destroyed.

I do not handle breakups very well.  It feels like the end of the world and I have nothing to live for.  All I can think about is them. Every song reminds me of them. Every friend I have gets to keep telling me how great the other person is doing now.  Every place I go to reminds me of the places we used to go together.

What it really feels like is that the other person won and I lost.  

They get to move on, find someone else and live happily ever after while I’m left in the dust.  Crying alone. Spending every day missing that person until I die.

That’s how it always felt.

After you feel like that a few times, who would want to try again?  It’s too hard. It messes up my life too much. I have things to do.  Goals to accomplish. I can’t let some girl derail me like that every few months.

So then I started getting very cautious about who I paid attention too.  The next thing you know, I was alone. Month after month. Year after year.  

I would go five to six years without even going on a date.  Then I would decide to let someone in. Give it a shot. Meet someone really great, but find a million reasons to break up with them. 

Break up.  Feel lonely.  Wait another five or six years.

This has been my entire love life in a nutshell.  And now I’m 42 and still on my own.  

For the most part, it’s ok.  I like being alone. I am a very driven person.  I have some big goals. So I like that I have time and energy to focus on my career and life goals.

But I’m still a human being and I get lonely sometimes.

It’s hard seeing everyone around me paired up.  They’ve got what looks like “the perfect life” while I’m out here still trying to figure it all out.

I think humans are designed to nest.  We are supposed to find a mate, have some kids, buy a house.  That’s what we do. And we get a lot of joy and security from it.  

Nesting brings a lot of peace into our lives.  The question I have been asking lately is this…

Can You Nest Alone?

I’m not sure, of the answer.  But I feel like you can.  

I have an awesome house in an awesome neighborhood in an awesome city.

It’s pretty awesome. ;)

I love my home.  It’s comfortable.  It has all my favorite things.  It’s clean and functional. There is room for having friends over.  Family can stay with me when they are in town. I’ve built a really nice nest and it brings me a lot of joy.

But it always feels like a big part is missing.  

I don’t know if that’s because there really is something missing or if I’ve just been told so many times that there is something missing that now I think there is something missing.

You know what I mean?

In other words, am I really lonely or do I just think I am SUPPOSED to be lonely because I’m single?

The Secret To Finding Love

I think the answer is found in the core principles I’ve been writing songs about all year.  If I can practice GRATITUDE and ACCEPTANCE every day, then I don’t focus on what I don’t have.  I focus on what I do have.

And I have a lot.

If I can SERVE and participate in my COMMUNITY, then I am surrounded by love.  I live in ABUNDANCE of love. There is no shortage around here.  

If I choose to BELIEVE and practice PERSEVERANCE, then I can trust that God has a plan.  I just need to keep living the life He wants me to live. If that includes another person, then He will bring that person into my life when the time is right.

And if I am meant to live a single life, that is ok too.  God has blessed me with a higher purpose. He has given that to all of us and we don’t need another person to complete us.  We are whole as we are because God makes us complete.  

My life is bigger than just trying to pair up and have babies.  As long as I am following my true purpose in life, then I get to live a super fulfilled, rich life.

I am already NESTING.  And no matter what I do or where I go, I will have a home.  I will never be alone. And I think that’s the whole point anyway.

Nesting
The new single from Chris Swan and Soul Motivation Records
Coming 8.1.19!

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New show announcement…

Acceptance Is Here!

The new single from Chris Swan is here!

This is the year of change and Acceptance is the third single in a series of "mindset-changing" songs by inspirational hip-hop artist Chris Swan. This song is based on the 12 core principles that Swan believes is the cure for depression and anxiety. The first being Abundance, the second Gratitude and now the third is Acceptance. Once we learn to accept the people around us and the situations we find ourselves in, the sooner we will find peace.

We can't change other people. We can only change ourselves. This song is an upbeat hip-hop anthem for practicing acceptance in our every day lives!